After 9 years

When you looked back to your past...

You'll see some things that make you smile, laugh, cry and even mad...

For me,

I've always looked at my primary age...

How a small boy struggle to get fit in his life and even others...

That "6 years period" was like my golden time...

After I achieved my success in UPSR 2000, I continued my study at Sekolah Alam Shah Kuala Lumpur
(after that became Sekolah Alam Shah Putrajaya in 2003 and Sekolah Sultan Alam Shah in 2006)

My family moved to Kluang in the middle of 2001...

At that time, there was no handphone..no email..no friendster..no myspace..no tagged..and no facebook...

All I have in my possession were memories...and my life has been guided by that..

I only heard their stories through 1 of them, Firdaus Omar...I heard and didn't even meet them.

When Firdaus involved in accident 2 days before SPM 2005 and he moved to Pulai Perdana plus my 3310 handphone had stolen (I only memorize his house no, 075586463 and his father's no was in my 3310). I felt like, I WILL never meet them again.

But as my memories still inside my mind and I'm not dead...I kept on putting my effort finding them by ANY mean possible.

I found 1 and it was Farah Nadia...well, I really didn't recognized her. I found her in Friendster.

I keep on searching in the same site and I found Siti Khairunnisa, Fazlia Rosli, Syuhadah Suratman, Zahidah and Hanim.

I haven't found any boys...later that I found they're in Myspace.

Hakim, Rafiee, Izzudin, Taufiq, Ahmad Farhan...

There, I also found Atikah Mazlan, Fazliana...

Now, came Facebook...

Where are the others?

I chatted with Atikah Mazlan 1 day and mention about a reunion...

I said we will plan it and make it...

But thanks to her, she made a jump and a quick one..

She sent me a sms telling me there's gonna be a reunion on 5th December 2009.

You know, I was 'jumping' at that moment but it had stop because on that date...I'm having my photographing job.

But Allah is really understanding you know, some problem occurred on that date and Ika has to bring it earlier..

29th NOVEMBER 2009
JUSCO BUKIT INDAH, JOHOR BAHRU

This is us after 9 years!

Different meh?

well, that's them...but you can say it's not the whole that attended.

Only 17 of them managed to come including me..10 boys and 7 girls

Boys

-Rafiee Rafor

-Taufiq

-Syukri

-Izzudin

-Izwan Ismail

-Hakim

-Ahmad Farhan

-Farhan Sanusi

-Firdaus Omar

Girls

-Farah Nadia

-Hafiza Husin

-Fazliana

-Atikah Mazlan

-Hidayah

-Fazlia

-Aliya

We all ate at Pizza Hut but the environment was havoc!!

What do you expect? it's a 9 years storiezzzz...

As for me, I'm glad that they grown up REALLY well...

And I'm free because when I left for Alam Shah, in my mind being implemented that I abandoned them..left them with nothing.

I smile from now and then thanks to Him for granting this moment.

Guys, I haven't got any chance to apologize for it has been 9 years..

Sorry for everything that I've done and thanks for everything that you've done...

(Now I know they (girls) were scared of me and I know why I'm single until now...heheheheheh)

They're all beautiful....

well and handsome too...

Looking forward for next....

November Rain

Well...

There aren't any post for November?

Then this post I named November Rain...

Guys, what do you associate rain with?

sadness? guilt? or even blessing?

To me, I don't fancy rain like that...

when it's raining, I'll feel cold...I couldn't ride my Belang and stuck, I'll catch a flu...I have to be more careful when walking because I carried a phone, bluetooth device n maybe MP3 player.

so, "zaman lelaki macho" can't be applied...(redah hujan tanpa payung, tanpa baju hujan)

But it doesn't mean I hate it...

When I reviewed back, November 2009 was something a lot I should write about...

But when it's raining, there's always a chance of flood right?

see you in the next post...

So Sweet

"Kadang-kadang insan yang bergelar manusia ni tak pernah sedar dan perasan apa yang orang lain dah buat terhadap dirinya..."

comel gler ayat ni....sbb aku terfikir lak yang dia tuh manusia ke bukan, confuse aku...

"Tapi bila buat jahat sekali je, berdendam sampai ke anak cucu..."

Wah....emosi dapat dikesan dgn membara di situ!!

1st of all,

It's NOT me who resent you, but it's YOU who resent me....sedar x?

There's no such thing as 'revenge' going through my mind right now...

as for you DO NOT WORTH my revenge at all....apa ntah lg anak cucu ko, igt ni capitalist ker?

hehehehehe....

"Mungkin selama 21 tahun kau hidup di dunia ni kau tak pernah kenal erti kawan yang sebenarnya...."

betul kate ko tuh, I don't need to object...tp klu one day aku akan paham pn bkn kerana or dengan ko. Thanks for reminding me actually...

Jadi, ape itu erti kawan bagi diri ko? pernah pikir?

Hurm...

"Tapi bila buat jahat SEKALI je, berdendam sampai ke anak cucu..."

menarik jugak ayat ni sebab tuh aku tulis 2x...

Aku terfikir, sejahat mana yang dia pernah buat kat aku?

Dia baik giler kot...kejut aku pegi klas, ingatkan aku assignment dah siap blum, bagi aku pinjam duit bile aku sengkek, berusaha untuk ubah style aku dan banyak lagi sebenarnya...I don't have to list it all.

Aku RASE aku perasan semua tuh, tapi ape yang dia perasan tentang aku?

Aku tak turun tolong dia handle budak PBSM? Aku keluar tak ajak dia? Statement2 panas yang aku bagi kat dia?

Actually, he doesn't need to thank me for EVERYTHING if he doesn't feel so because the TRUTH is I did NOTHING to him...

Guys, I really feel like I don't like to promise because I have doubts...and to my surprise, he seems not to have one..

I DON'T promise him to be on his side no matter what happen, but he DID promise me instead...for what has happened, he dares to say that I'm the one who forget/leave/resent/grudge/hate/damn him?

That's fair...

Is that what friendship really means to him?

Ya Allah, was it him you sent to TEACH me the true meaning of friendship?? or Am I mistaken?

huhuhuhu....if that's so, I'll just wait.

It's just TOO bad that he's affected by my previous post in this blog, he felt that way...that's just him, think too much but he never think deep. If only he starts thinking deeper for a while, with his capabilities he'll understand what I really meant for posting that. Just great, he blamed me for starting first (well, who else he got to blame in this situation? himself? hurm, that's just not him)

For real la, this blog was created was not for him, it's for me...it's entitled WHAT I'M GOING TO BE, not WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO BE. I look forward for changing ideas and thoughts in this 'maya' world.

If he's really looking forward to have a real talk, (if only) don't worry...
It's just not fair approaching someone who's in rage while we're in the same state...

I will find one some time because he expect me to do so, that's how a friend do...keep on expecting on you.

till then...see you guys around!

Let bygones be bygones

So many nights,
I sit by my computer,
Waiting for someone to sing me a song.

So many dreams,
I kept deep inside me,
Alone in the dark,
And you come along..

But you WERE lighting up my life,
You WERE giving me hopes to carry on,
You WERE lighting up my days,
And WERE filling my nights
with song.

Rolling on bed, feeling asleep..
Thinking of her and loneliness
And my feelings cut deep
And there again, I'm left all alone

But you WERE lighting up my life,
You WERE giving me hopes to carry on,
You WERE lighting up my days,
And WERE filling my nights
with song.
I didn't feel right but it WAS wrong.

"Hahaahhahahhaha.....every WAS."

More than words...

Here I am at six o'clock in the morning
Still thinking about you
It's still hard, at six o'clock in the morning
To sleep without you

And I know that it might
Seem too late for love
All I know

I need you now
More than words can say
I need you now
I've got to find a way
I need you now
Before I lose my mind
I need you now

Here I am, I'm looking out my window
I'm dreaming about you
Can't let you go, at six o'clock in the morning
I feel you beside me

And I know that it might
Seem too late for love
For love Oh, Oh, Oh

I need you now
More than words can say
I need you now
I've got to find a way
I need you now
Before I lose my mind
I need you now

-Why can't you see??-

Ego

Based on my experiences with people...

day by day...

week by week...

month by month...

year by year...

I learned to build my ego...

I don't state here it's something good because that's not really the point I'm writing it here...

I always refer to the Bon Jovi song titled "Welcome To Wherever You Are"

1 of the line said, "This is your life, you made this far"

yeah...I made it this far and I'm glad.

you know what? Because of my ego...I rarely share my thoughts or even problems with my family...

I put my trust on my friends and I trust them...

1 day, when everything around me turned me down even my friends...I'm stuck!

there's a thought in my mind that I should try share it with my mother just by calling her or sms..

But just in a couple a minute, I got a msg from her!!

I nearly cry at that moment, thinking of Allah's power and the true connection between a mother and a son...

I feel guilty somehow because of other people who didn't care for me, I built my ego TOWARDS my own family...I only search for them when I needed money, not for comfort.

they see me as a happy son and brother because I NEVER showed them my true feelings....

it only showed when I'm admitted to any ward...hahahahaha.

Why people expect too much?

"When lights go down, I see no reason
For you to cry. We've been through this before
In every time, in every season,
God knows I've tried
So please don't ask for more"

"I read your mind, with no intentions
Of being unkind, I wish I could explain
It all takes time, a whole lot of patience
If it's a crime, how come I feel no pain"

Hello...

lately, I found myself caught in miserable after several people kept asking about my weight...

I looked at the mirror and observed myself...

There's a very thin barrier between me and my actual happiness...

this thin barrier was what actually caused my 'deceiving' appearance...

You may see me as a normal person..

I talked, I laughed, I joked, I tickled and I even smiled wide...

"If I fall along the way
Pick me up and dust me off
And if I get too tired to make it
Be my breath so I can walk"

Actually, I'm deteriorated...
I love to say I'm HAPPY because I refused to be or even admit that I'm miserable...

but people keep expecting too much...but when I expect something from them, they resent me...

But why?

I think I'm a normal human being...(depends on how you define normal)

I'm not a superhuman who can ALWAYS read people mind, if I possessed this kind of power...I'm sure there'll be some side effect.

"If I need some other love
Give me more than I can stand
And when my smile gets old and faded
Wait around I'll smile again "

I don't like asking for support but like I said, I'm a normal human being who have 'support system' like everyone has...

I've live this life for 21 years, not yet a quarter of a century but still I can say I understand some aspects of life...

But please don't expect me know/understand too much about it...

"I think I'm moving
But I go nowhere
Yeah, I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be"

I didn't show any pain...but my body will..
if cut me, I will bleed...I'll sleep for a long time, my body refuse to get up.

so, if you expect something from me..please let me think otherwise!

I'm a man...

Hello guys...

I'm back.

huhuhu....I'm still fine for now.

Ok, let's get it straight...

I wanna talk about something, something a woman will find anything to argue/object.

yeah..the topic is about MAN.

From man I derived something to narrow a bit about the scope.

It's started when I told a friend of mine that I'm in love with a girl.

I showed her the picture...

She said, "wow, cantik" and I just thought it would stop there....

but she "accidentally" uttered a statement that somehow inspired me...

"you memang sama jek dengan laki-laki lain, sume nak cantik-cantik"

I glanced back at the picture and suddenly I said within my mind, "Wow, memang cantik la"

But I took that "statement" into my study and start constructing anything that could help me...

Then I started asking myself, am I?

I looked closely at that girl's picture, her hair, her smile, her eyes, her lips, her skin and everything. I said, "Oh shit, it's true!"

Girls, if you have a boyfriend...have you ever asked them why they fell in love with you? if they answered, did it satisfy you enough?

When I looked at that friend of mine, I could say that she's not bad at all...

So, I went on finding any friend who has a gf that's not beautiful....I found some and I asked them questions...

1 of the question, do you think your girlfriend is beautiful?
"Yes"

has anyone told you that your gf is not that beautiful?
"Yes"

Then, I went back and started to look at all the girls I loved before...

Scarily, all of them looked beautiful because I think they were...

I was like, "damn, she's right again"

Then I refer to other question,

What makes you approached your gf before she's yours?
*they paused a while...
They answered because of ATTRACTION.

I proceed, when do you ACTUALLY fall in love????

Okay, it's true girls...
Men are attracted to beauty but beauty that only they could define...

If you were in a party, and none of them approached you but your friends that you think are SEXY, BEAUTIFUL, ANGELIC, HOT and etc...
There are 2 thoughts occurred actually (common):
1. You're down because you think you're not beautiful
2. Guys ALWAYS like that type of girl..(what? Do they think that kind of girl can treat them well?)

If these thoughts came to your mind, you'll start blaming on something.
Hehehehehe

They didn't approach you, not because you're not beautiful, it's just your beauty isn't in their definition. They ARE attracted to BEAUTY.

I'm a man and I can't be so far different from other man.
I know how I define beauty (please ignore the so called 'inner beauty' first because it's not something you can determine (fast) at first meeting).
It's just LUCKY that the girl I'm in love with is "EXTREMELY BEAUTIFUL" to them...to say I'm just UNLUCKY to be defined as such "statement".

ok, back to the 'question' I left..

I list you some of their answer...

-aku tgh borak2 dgn dier, tibe2 angin tiup rambut dier and aku nmpk dahi dier yg licin. sejak tuh aku semakin berminat.

-setiap kali aku dekat dengan dier, degupan jantung aku semacam.

-dier tgh duk bace surat khabar, aku nmpk jari-jari dier halus and panjang2. Hehehehe

-aku tetibe ternampak leher dier yang jinjang.

-satu hari aku nmpk dier tertidur atas meja kepenatan, aku terpaku tgk dier.

-Aku tiup mate dier sbb masuk habuk and baru aku perasan mate dier warne hitam, org ckp dier cntik sgt rupenye common jek matenye.

-aku dgr dier nyanyi lagu fav aku tanpa dier tau aku mendgrnye.

and ade lg la possible situation...

So, to me...it's beautiful!!

falling in love is a gift, do you consider a gift is something bad?
most of you would say no...(unless you think too much)

Be clear...a man WILL attract to BEAUTY that only they KNOW how to DEFINE it.
If you bf said that Megan Fox is beautiful, I'm sure there are men out there would say something different. BEAUTY is INFINITE.

till then, see ya!

benda2 yang aku rase...

Hello there...

Ape kabo semua?

nak tny skit ni....

korg rase payah ke ble aku (sgt susah bg diriku utk menulis perkataan ini dlm blog) tulis dlm English ek?

bukan ape beb, aku bukan la nk tunjuk yg aku ni terrer English cume aku senang berkongsi idea dlm bhs English. lgpn, blog ni luas kn...kite tak boleh agak klu ade orang asing yang terbaca blog kite kn? kn?

kawan2 terdekat aku ade cakap macam2 tentang blog aku ni...most of them comment bout the language I used la...

huh...nasib baik bleh stop kt situ stakat ni sbb ble aku dh start menulis English, aku akn trus menulis.

So, sbnrnye post kali khas utk kwn2 aku yang mengalami kesusahan dlm mendapatkan idea dlm blog aku. tp xde la aku nk translate balik sume dlm bahasa Melayu.

Aku dah ckp, klu korg ade masalah/x puas hati/bengang dengan topic yg aku tekankan. sahut la cabaran sikit, tanya aku. aku akan cube jawab. klu korg tny dlm English, aku jwb dlm English dan klu dlm Malay, aku jwb dlm Malay. Senang jek perhubungan antara kita ni sebenarnye.

Anyway, post yg ini aku nk bincang tentang support atau sokongan.

benda ni sgt penting dlm hidup kite sbg manusia bkn...dengan sokongan, seseorang itu boleh menjadi bersemangat, boleh menjadi kuat, boleh dapat keyakinan diri. Kite saling memberi sokongan antara satu sama lain dgn atau tanpa kita sedari.

tp di dalam sistem sokongan ini datangnya satu perkataan yang diberi nama, "pura-pura"

cube tanya diri korang, bile korang memberi sokongan kat seseorang...kenapa korang menjadi seorang yang supportive? cube tny soalan ini gak kat kawan2 korang yang memberi sokongan kat korg...

kite/diorang mungkin akan cakap, "Sebab kiteorg PRIHATIN"

Yehaa....betul tuh, itu jawapan paling normal la.

tapi aku menghadapi masalah untuk menjawab persoalan ini.
Roomate aku pn kena bahan dengan soalan ni, tapi dier seorang yg sgt cool. Dia cakap aku ni terlalu fikir secara teknikal, tapi dia still jawab soalan aku. Kawan2 aku kt SAS dulu klu jumpe aku skrg pn diorg susah nk agak aku ni camne, 5 tahun bersama, classmate aku kt UiTM, 5 sem( 2 tahun setengah) pn susah nak agak aku ni camne. Tapi dier 3 sem jek dan dia sudi mendengar 'kegilaan' aku. Dia manusia biasa kot, bila dia x tahan dia terus cakap yang kepala dia dah terlalu tepu, and he needs to sleep...badly!!!

Ok, kenapa perkataan "pura-pura" tuh aku bangkitkn?

aku tny ramai orang, and diorg setuju mmg kepuraan selalu ada, di mana2 sahaja. Name lain yg famous bagi perkataan ini ialah 'hipokrit'.

Aku survey2 kat internet, biodata, twitter, status, blog...aku dapati yang kebanyakan daripada kita benci dengan kepura-puraan(hypocrisy). And orang2 ni biasanya tiada masalah untuk menjawab persoalan tadi.

Knape aku mengalami kesukaran dalam menjawab persoalan tadi? sebab aku memikirkan tentang anda semua dan sekeliling. Bukan aku nak cakap yang aku suka akan hipokrasi beb and katekan la aku keluarkan statement, "aku benci dengan hipokrasi/org hipokrit". Aku sgt rase x selesa.

sebab hipokrasi tuh ade dalam diri aku, kawan2 aku, housemate aku, family aku, lecturer aku, pemimpin aku. So, tell me how am I going to hate them? you?

Aku bagi sedikit contoh la kan...
korang kawan dgn seorang kawan ni, dier ade masalah and mintak tolong dgn korg. So, korg kn PRIHATIN jd korg tolong and sokong dier (aku xnk sentuh bab keikhlasan dlm ni) tapi korg pergi cerita kat orang versi lain (korg x suke dier la, dier tuh bodo la, masalah simple jek la dan lain2 lagi). Dier tuh dah build trust kt korang.
Persoalan ni, "if you supported somebody, WHY are you being supportive?" dh jd mcm mane sbnrnye?

klu sebenarnya korang bukan atau tak boleh jadi penyokong(supportive) tapi masih cuba untuk menjadi, pura2 jd supportive takpe tapi buat BETUL2 sampai orang tak boleh bace yang korang pura2. Klu tak jangan involve sebab bahaya.

Aku bukan la angelic tapi aku cume seorang yang berfikir (aku bukanlah suke sgt pun berfikir ni). Sebab ramai orang2 yang hebat kat dunia ni tapi diorang pn ade kekurangan. Korang pn salah seorang yang hebat jadi korang pn ade kekurangan. Aku bukanlah seorang yang hebat, kekurangan aku banyak but aku mencari untuk menjadi lebih baik.

so, think sometimes...

Knowing....

"Sometimes it's good to know but what if you knew too much?"

hey, actually I came up with this quote because of 1 of my acquaintances.

he said proudly...

"I always know what are people up to and I was ALWAYS right, I hate it when it's confirmed"

heeeee....I kinda imagine his face the way he said it.

but sure or not?

actually, he's not the only 1 saying something like that...that's why I'm not so surprise.

He's good, he has thoughts and some of it can be used because he dared to interfere in people acts and thoughts.

so, relate back to my quotation...

ok, imagine that you're like him...

u have an acquaintance and they made something that triggered your doubts...

you PROUDLY believe that you know what they're up to...

when they explain, your mind have listed some of the possible answers....

BUT they're not matched together.

you start to wonder why they lied to you and felt very not comfortable...

yeah, there's no doubt bout possibilities of mind reading.

anyone who dares to learn/involve in this ability...

they will be granted the...

know-too-much disease.

normally, people with this disease only apply to one that they detest or maybe not so close.

they went on concentrating on them, feel resentment bout it....

but they don't use it for whom they're close with. ( I don't state love here because close sounds more general)

Knowing too much hurts unless you know how to manage the knowledge....

People have curiosity and that's what gained them knowledge...

but some of them forget the use of that knowledge or better said they are not skillful enough to use it.

is it important?

I try to link some things to make you understand...

example, you know that people are not interested in you if they're not paying attention towards you.

believe me, you only realize it when the person doing that to you is the person that's not close to you.

When it comes to the person that close to you doing that, you ignored them because you PROUDLY believe that you knew them much already.

knowing too much hurts not only to the one who bears it but also the people surrounding them...

The one they detest never gets close, the one they're close with...slowly losing faith in them. Then, what's left in you?

It happened, it really happened.

that's why God put limitation on every knowledge you can have at a moment because he knows you VERY, VERY well but he never forbid you to involve in your curiosity. He loves you too much and wants the very best in you.

So, if you think you know about what are people up to...don't just wait for it to be confirmed. Do something about it. If you don't you just waste it.

good luck!

Blog Untuk Orang Giler

*click

hey...2 posts in August, 2 posts in September.

very slow production aite?

Actually, bkn xde idea nk tulis ape cume I've been wondering whether my readers could sustain the ideologies/topics/issues...

because there were very little response from them...

There were only 2 possibilities, whether I'm too smart for them or their thinking much way better. heehheehheh

you know what....

at the very beginning of my blog production, I noticed that some of my post always involved about my love life.

I read it back and I laughed...

now, my posts were different (selain poems moems tu la)

I like to keep it balanced meh....

I read other people's blog...why they wrote?

some of them wrote bout their interesting moment, some about their lovers, some about religions, some about selling things, some about their feeling towards something, at lots of it.

but me?

I looking for a feedback, a virtual discussion, changing ideas and thoughts...

I'm not sure whether my posts were not interesting....

but I think my blog deserves the title

BLOG UNTUK ORANG GILER

heheheheh....I think they're afraid to comment believing that they'll become lunatic.

if any of you have met me in person and you proceed to read my posts then you'll understand. (bygkn yg x pnh jumpe? cmne agaknye?)

hurm...I was thinking they would come to me in person but nope, nothing.

hey, the word ridiculous is what you wanna use right?

too bad, if you say that word in my posts...if this blog can implant an applause.
I would give you the loudest for that.

ehhehehehehe....

say it if u wanna say it...don't be afraid.

Don't talk to me about selfishness...I know it too well...

yeah,1 of my friend said that's what I am.

it's not that I'm mad because he said I'm like that....

It's just he triggered my mind a question that related back to him actually...

I told you, life is not about revenge right?

If still wanna talk to me about selfishness, heeee...I like it because you are brave.

hey, c'mon....I think this blog as a medium for people to understand me and for me to understand them.

so, any topics are welcome.

this post ends here la...

I'll update some more...

Writing a book?

Being 21 years old....

I glanced at my past...recall back who am I when I was a kid.

I smile....I proceed to next stage, I smile again.

I stopped for a while when viewing my life as a secondary school student.

I try to hesitate but yet, I smile too...

then came my dark time, dark isn't usually bad because I still survive.

I smile...

And the present, I smile...

you know what, it's what I become today giving me the ability to smile.

If I'm still the old Leo, I don't think I will able to smile.

Yesterday, when break fasting with 'fate'...

I think my mind will evolve again that helps me step-by-step accomplishing my goals.

so far, I haven't told you guys what are my current goals right? yeah...I'll tell IF only you are REALLY interested.

As I reached 21, I somehow realized my brain kinda downloading 'subject' from time to time.

"my words getting harsher"
"my weight stay put"
"not easy to get angry"
"principles slipped"
"craving for conversation"
"tends to refuse"
"merciless"

whatever I've changed, it's not synchronized.

lately I got into trouble in managing the 'subject'...

so, I tell some of the 'subjects' to a selected few but not to boast myself but helping myself organize it. These 'subjects' need to be stored.

1 of my close friend, suggested me a brilliant idea.

He suggested me to write it down and put all effort and make a book!

yeah...nice.

But 'fate' somehow spicing it up and I found a better approach for myself and those goals.

it's getting better day by day.

But 1 thing I wonder, whether my mind or my soul could sustain such 'subject' in a long period?

For better or worse, I should start working..

The One That Seem Far

Another glimpse of sunshine
Stroke my eyes in the morning
I was searching for a sign
But there wasn’t one in my findings

Her shadow hid behind mine
It’s difficult for me to identify
She’s far so kind
So I have no obligation to defy

I tried catching a glance of her
As she seems so far
Little that I realize she was near
When I did, she’s already soar

It was a sudden moment for me and her
To never know our feelings to each other
Wishing we could get together
Holding our hands forever

I don’t know if I rather stay this way
For there’s not known what to do
I pray for a constructive answer to say
And I wonder if she thought like that too

As I was doing nothing here
She was another step further
The closer I tried to reach her
The more my steps became dither

I believe we get to meet each other
Although those days were gloomy
I must overcome my fear
Or my days won’t be sunny

P.S: This is my latest poem that I gave to somebody I like. He3 feel free to read and use it.

Nicely Done!!

Wah...the last post was on 1st August?

and now it's 31st August?

Couldn't believe it that fast...it's like traveling with a Mustang.

that's why I named this post as "Nicely Done"

So, it's not like I don't wanna update my blog but I was collecting pieces of me that scattered around.

*What? I'm broken?

no la...it's just I was separated by any mean of being Leo Huzair. Hu3

Well, who created me?

God, Jesus, Allah, Krishna and Buddha..you name it.

For me, Allah was the one who created me 21 years ago, on 15th May 1988.

He had planned everything for my life right from the day, but I believe it was really before that moment. Who knows him well right?

Whether I'm happy with the life I'm having right now...I can tell you, it is SUBJECTIVE.

Now, I say that I love Him...but you can also say "it's just a saying"

right...no doubt about that. It's now but 1 day later or maybe 10 minutes later it will vary BECAUSE such thing in the dictionary called CIRCUMSTANCES.

Yeah...I've observing this circumstances that happen in people's life mostly mine...

I'm sure you all penah dengar ni...Qada dan Qadar kn? kn?

ape tuh sbnrnye?

I'm not a religious person, because I still need to research...

but I'm telling you in my point of view...

ok.. Qada and Qadar are the 6th commandment of Iman, so if you're a Mosleem and you don't believe it then must be something wrong with your Iman.

So, Qada and Qadar stated that...everything in this life and after life have been decided by Allah in the very beginning whether it's BAD or GOOD or PROMISING.

It was HIS plan...

I'm sitting in front of my pc right now posting this blog, it had been organized maybe the day before the Big Bang happen.

Scholar said "human mind is like a super computer it can store lots of thing"

that is our mind capabilities and we still dare to question His capabilities as our creator...

Why there are many religions?

Christianity, Buddhism, Hinduism, Islam, Sciencetology, Hebrews and others...

so, there comes PAST, PRESENT and FUTURE..

these religions are to filled these 3 words..how? start looking on your own life..

between these words...lies the word CIRCUMSTANCES.

I've been looking in my own life, getting any point why I don't have this I don't have that...and I was left questioning Him WHY?

I looked back...I say He's PERFECT.

some people in worse condition will complaint and say such things as "He played my life and that's not fair"

As human, we know that brilliant person conquer the one that isn't...

and GOD is really too brilliant to be said with word...if you want to fight Him.
try to be more brilliant than Him.

This is what happen nowadays...they defy God and I'm part of it somehow by writing this. By this they evolve to something brilliant.

Have you played The Sims video games series?

It's a game where you control human being...they try to give you the power of God. (It's a fun game try it. Why?

Selalu dengar orang cakap, kalau kita nak berjaya kita kena berusaha kan?

nak tackle awek ker, nak dapat A ker, nak makan ker...kena usaha.

to be like God, you have to do some hard effort. I'm not telling I'm losing faith in Him, I questioned this to know me as I'm separated. I want to help people being their best as I wanted to be...

The Westerner claimed all greatest came from their race...

but you all know it's a propaganda...

How is this happening?

Believe me or not...It's already in His plan.

How about the CIRCUMSTANCES?

it's from Him also...just to test your capabilities.

If you created something, sure you want it to be the BEST.

same to Him, he also want the best in His creation that is why we are the best creature. All of us but if we fail we blame Him for not being fair.

Take your time to think whenever you're happy or sad...surely you'll find some part of His work.

at the end I hope you'll say "God, NICELY DONE"

Oh tuhan...

"Oh tuhan berikanku kekuatan agarku dapat menempuhi hidup ini mengikut rancangan kau"

ada satu ayat Al-Quran yang aku igt n hafal maknanya selama ini...

bunyi maknanya macam ni...(aku tak nak sebut ayat arabnya takut salah kat mane2 kn)

"Kita merancang, tuhan merancang cuma rancangan tuhan itu lebih baik"

Hurm...ade makne lain gak yg aku dengar...

bunyinye macam ni...

"kita menipu tuhan juga menipu, dan penipuan tuhan itu lebih baik"

makne yang ke-2 ni bunyinye kontroversi sikit la...aku dapat dari satu ceramah mana ntah...

kenapa aku tekankan ayat ni?

aku bukanlah kuat agama sangat pun...and I'm not that bad.

aku tengah berfikir ni...dan fikiran ni datang lepas aku tengok cerita Public Enemies lakonan Jonnhy Depp sebagai criminal yang paling dikehendaki era Depression Amerika dulu.

knape fikiran ni menerawang kat kepale otak aku?

ok...klu u all bace post sebelum ni, u all akan tau mengenai some things yang ade beberapa maksud.

jgn risau, perkaitan antara post sebelum ni x penting sgt.

you can still understand because I believe that you're smart enough.

ok...zaman depression tu muncul golongan2 organized crime yang mencabar pihak berkuasa...

walaupun itu zaman selepas Al-Capone yang sangat terkenal tetapi tetap memberi kesan kepada sejarah...

ok..take note the word 'organized' guys.

yeah..pandai pun, maksudnye 'terancang' kn?

what excited me that the way how 'organised' work...

hurm... RANCANGAN, PLAN dan yg sewaktu dengannye...

let me ask you a question, do you plan before doing something?

akan ada orang2 yang jawab macam ni macam tuh...

orang yang mungkin humble dasarnya mungkin kate dia tidak plan sgt tapi tup2 jadi...(in case dia berjaye la)

orang yang jenis precise, "owh bloody hell yeah, I planned every single thing accordingly."

actually whatever the answer is...PLAN always work whether accordingly or not.

why did I say like that?

some people always mad if somethings fail, and they blame their plan...

plan x jadi la, plan ni teruk la ape la...

but do you realise that it come from you?

ok..let's go back a bit.

These organized crimes gave all the headache to the world right?

ok...what actually brought the headache? it's them or what?

let me tell you..it was their PLANS!! got it?

hurm...came another part of subject in my mind..

macam mana diorang dapat plan2 yang macam tuh? bank robbery? extortion? extermination of other people?

I found that their plans were brilliant and the authorities were stuck.

then back on theories of evolution...the authorities evolved!!

in that era, FBI was established because of their brilliant plans.

what you do to beat your opponent? basic rules beb...get better!

great plans overcame by greater plans...how cool was that?

ok...let's get back again.

why did I say plans always work? it is because u are in a plan.

u can say I mean 'GOD's plan' but actually it's plan over plan.

example..if you plan on getting a new gf/bf, u starting to draw some plans...go to the bar/supermarket, calling some old friends who might be single and blah blah...

BUT you failed in the end, I mean your plan la...

u start to wonder why u failed and start blaming on your plan...do you ever think u failed because of other people's plan? do you realize that plans chained together?

and in some time you manage to get 1 but not accordingly to your plan, but it could be your gf/bf plans. got it so far?

there are billions of people in this world, each of them has plans that have not been realized..(plans can be realized but needs lot of observation). I suggest there's a chance it's linked together w/o we noticing it.

believe me, it all worked.

ok...now u understand a bit about PLANS.

PLANS need thinking aite? u think u need to think to produce a good plan, agree?

in my previous post I told that thinking is what differentiate people.

some great thinkers didn't produce a great plan, but their thought being used by great planners...there are a lot of example but better u discover it urself.

have u asked urself, do I have to be clever to plan such a great plan?

the answer is NO...being clever seems to be an advantage but it's not a condition.

if u're stupid, do u stay stupid forever? if u have an answer for this question,any answer...that's a mark to level up ur cleverness.

huhuhuhu...bleh ikut tak setakat ni?

actually, I think I have to write a book about this but before that I need feedback.

let's continue...

I'm not yet a successful person, u may argue about this whether it's right or wrong...

I'm telling u NOT YET...actually I'm doing this because I think a lot and deep.

some people think a lot not deep, some think deep but not a lot...

there's no accurate answer which 1 is good which 1 better.

for now..THINKING + PLANNING + ?? = SUCCESS?? no, I'm gonna use the word SURVIVE.

there's still a lot more to write actually...

because there is an extension to this topic...I need to configure how to link it together neatly for u to understand.

please do discuss with me if u don't understand, who know u might help me in my PLANS..

see you in the next session...

Some things better....

I have a lot...

a lot of things going through my mind....

through....

have u ever think why people different from each other?

why some things happened?

why girls wear skirts and boys don't?

believe me, u might think it's ridiculous...

what is belief then?

do you know, at particular situation...everything have various meaning..

I mean VARIOUS...

for example, how do you describe "VARIOUS"?

go back to belief, you believe you know how to describe it right?

That's what you believe..

ok..go back to 'various'..

I state here, BELIEFS can also be varied...

now you think I'm trying to confuse you...

and you BELIEVE you aren't...

let's me state back...

"you believe that you know how to describe 'various', your belief was varied, you denied your confusion that also brings various interpretation and it tells you that you are okay, but again it strikes you back"

got it?

you're doing good..

have you count the stars?

there have been said that there are billions of stars not just in the our galaxy...

again, you believe that because that's what you learned...

so I say, thare are about 356,457,872,004,456 stars out there...

would you believe it?

let's say, you're a historian...

you believe that Parameswara convert to Islam when Islam reached Melaka because that's what you learned..

along came another historian that you think better than you..

you THINK...

he/she told you that Parameswara used to believe in Christianity before converting to Islam...

you said, "where the hell Christianity came to Melaka before that?"

but you think he/she was right...

do you dare thinking something else?

you might wanna read back all those books...

but do you?

after you read this? what do you think about you?

what is your capacity?

Sacarmento Optimus??

What actually differentiate you from others?

is it your looks?

is it your origins?

or is it your hair color?

there are a lot of speculation about this matter...

but to me, it is your THINKING...

Einstein was not a successor in physic subject during his studies from what I read...

but his THINKING change the whole world and that differentiated him.

Julio Iglesias used to be sacked from his choir team..

but his THINKING has made him famous right now and that differentiated him..

to tell you what, I'm not a physicist nor singer...

BUT this topic excited me...

yeah, what is Sacarmento Optimus?

nowadays, my friends keep asking me why am I getting thinner...

and some of my answers seemed not pleasing them...

I think hard for another answer and I found this SACARMENTO OPTIMUS..

it's a disease...very rare one.

It's a cell degrading disease....

I've read article bout other cell degrading diseases in the internet...

and it's not disappointing but there are no such thing as Sacarmento Optimus.

hehehehe...I know what you thinking right now and you're right.

and if any medic students read my blog now, they'll tell me it's BULLSHIT.

I answered to my friends, I have a disease and it's called SACARMENTO OPTIMUS.

Optimus is a Latin word which means best...and Sacarmento came from Sacramento, a place where their people diets were mostly acorn, fruits and etc.

so, I conclude here...it's an eating disorder that brought up to cell degrading.

how?

so, it has to be some catalyst to acquire this disease and it's your phone!!

mobile phone transmit some kind of wave and used to say that it develops cancer..

somehow, some thing in this world evolve...so to this wave.

you wonder how this small thing can contribute to such massive degrading?
(weight lost, hair lost, bone density and etc)

remember, I said the word EVOLVE and this disease is RARE.

(man, it feels like an art student making a medic thesis)

you know that cell mutation is possible? (X-Men, Spiderman or even The Flash is possible too)

but in medic terms, mutation doesn't sound really good in my perspective...hahhaahaa

but does this disease has a cure?

you bet it would...

I have configure a cure for this disease for I'm suffering this..

The cure is CONSTANT support such as hugging and kissing or even small talk.

don't get me wrong, it's not a perverted issue here...

when you hug somebody or kiss, you somehow transfer a bit of energy both positive and negative and these energy help reducing the effect of the CATALYST.

so, anybody who wish to lose weight...I have bad news for you, because this disease is not contagious. hahahahah..

come to me, maybe I can suggest you something...

Just For You

JUST FOR YOU

My mind ahead was closed
I feel I couldn’t get through
I left myself untraceable
Feel empty without you

I walked on this narrow street
I wished my feelings were true
I ended up in a bottomless pit
Feeling lonely without you

My world seems quiet
As I may nothing to you
There were some things I’m not adroit
They’re my feeling towards you

My affection towards you were endless
I’m just waiting on a cue
Although you may think I’m mindless
It never changes what I think of you

I dream of a better reality
It’s done when I get you
If you wish for sincerity
I could make it up to you

I could hardly sleep
When I’m far away from you
I’ll take the longest leap
Just to show how much I love you

P.S : currently listening to Michael Jackson's -They Don't Care About Us-

Understanding You

Understanding You

When there's a star
There's me waiting for you
What hurt remain a scar
It's a sign of what I've been through

Days without you were agony
It tortured my body and soul
I prayed my future is bright and sunny
And I can't predict it through a bowl

All I need is your help
To end my deserving misery
Between you and me there's a gap
Of relationship built in hurry

Rome wasn't built in a day
The same goes with our friendship
If you hiding something to say
How long you're planning to keep?

I trusted you with all I got
But you don't seem to have in me
Everything in my mind were out of sort
Are you going to let it be?

Being left by you
Is the crucial part in my life
I crossed every border to reach you
Just to get you near by my side.

P.S : huhuhu...I only post my creation after I did give it to the one I wanna give. that's why it takes time!

Until The Day I Found You

Until The Day I Found You

I soaked my fingers wet
In a bowl full of water
The flow of water never waits
For there’s something I cannot alter

Life has been so dull
I searched for an ending
I felt like a crack in my skull
But sure it was nothing

Until one warm day
I was browsing and found you
In my mind I have one thing to say
You put an end to what I've been through

At first I thought you were not real
But still I feel your softness
I could stand without having my meal
But not without your sweetness

I stayed awake nearly everyday
Just to make sure you're not waiting
Anything for you I may
As my love towards you increasing

Don't worry of losing me
Because I'm forever here for you
Waiting for the day you’ll meet me
To show you my feelings are true

I prayed so hard every time
That all about you are true
Your backgrounds, eyes and smiles
Anything that can picture you

I’m a normal human being
Of course I have doubts
You are my source of living
With you I am stout

P.S : This is some of my newest creation, feel free to read and give comment!

So far So long..

Where..where...where...have I gone?


time keeps on moving...I seem can't catch up with the phase of life.

Now, I'm back here again and look at the lost horizon that I created myself.

it's beautiful but not a good feeling...

you know what, I'm still the same but my appearances are different.

everybody keep asking me,

'Leo, knape ko semakin kurus?'

hurm...I really don't know what to say maa.

I feel normal from the inside but I'm not to them...

actually I wanna said to them...

"Owh, dulu aku gemuk ko kutuk2...skrg dh kurus ckp aku lg hensem time gemuk dulu la, ape la...fine!!

but I'm an analytical person (kind of)...

so, I went of a research on myself as a subject...there goes injection and operation.hahahaha

no la, gler ape...

even at 1 time, I asked myself whether I took drug w/o I'm realizing it?

aahhahah..at that moment I was suddenly became panicked..

I searched for any mysterious mark all over my body..(gelabah gler)

but didn't find anything unusual...great! say NO to drugs..

last sem, I weighted at approximately 66.5kg..

guess what is my current weight?

it's 52.4kg...hahahaha.

and I think it keeps going up and down just aroound 52 to 55kg

I admitted that I applied some kind of diet...and it worked!

I DID plan to lose weight and gain back my old weight...and it worked!

I used to wear jeans and pants size 32-31...now I can even wear back my high school seluar melayu.

what's happening to me?

did something happen INSIDE my body w/o I'm noticing it?

or maybe I was cursed by a gypsy tribe that I gone thinner until I die?
(wah..pengaruh movie Stephen King ni)

huhuhuhu...

Wish That I Fall In Love

She was always there
Waiting at the love gate
Guess that I wasn’t aware
What she felt wasn’t hate

Wish that I fall in love
With her that care for me
I wonder if she’s the true love
That understood the nature of me

She said all the kind words
To fill every single days of mine
If I ever stranded in the woods
I’ll have her in mind

Wish that I fall in love
With her that sang for me
I’ll sacrifice for her love
But she’s not for me

She did her best
Making sure I’m in good shape
She got me out of the mess
With her I wouldn’t weep

Wish that I fall in love
With her that always there for me
If I ever lost her love
There’s nothing left for me


P.S: This is a poem for my friend that I cared but something seems not gonna happen.
Feel free to read..

Just For You

My mind ahead was closed
I feel I couldn’t get through
I left myself untraceable
Feel empty without you

I walked on this narrow street
I wished my feelings were true
I ended up in a bottomless pit
Feeling lonely without you

My world seems quiet
As I may nothing to you
There were some things I’m not adroit
They’re my feeling towards you

My affection towards you were endless
I’m just waiting on a cue
Although you may think I’m mindless
It never changes what I think of you

I dream of a better reality
It’s done when I get you
If you wish for sincerity
I could make it up to you

I could hardly sleep
When I’m far away from you
I’ll take the longest leap
Just to show how much I love you


P.S: I wrote this poem for somebody special I met in the internet for her birthday

Student Representative Council Convenion...

Yeah...

ade crite skit ni...

aritu aku pi UTHM ade Persidangan MPP.

atas jemputan rakan baik aku dari USM, Haja Mydin.

so, sbnrnye aku menyibuk jek

aku bkn MPP pon..

dah si Haja beriya ajak lgpn UTHM dkt jek ngn hometown aku..

kt situ aku jumpe kwn aku time matrik dulu a.k.a roomate tersayang..



Ni la Malek, dulu kat matrik jd ketua blok jek...

skrg dh jd NYDP MPP Unimap maa..big shot dier skrg..

aku msih lg insan biase...sedih la konon.

susah nk jumpe diorg ni...

maklum la blaja jauh2...



yg ni la Haja Mydin...

bdk ni suke treat aku special seyh...

padahal aku br jek knal dier...mase jumpe dier kt UTHM dier siap bg aku birthday present lagi..

Baik kan?

tp aku x amik port sgt psl persidangan tuh, yg penting aku dpt jumpe kawan2 aku..

My Beloved Present From Mom..

My mom involved in crystal business...

at first, I detest her enthusiasm into crystals..

I even said words that tried to bring her down

(what a bad son am I?)

I didn't give her any support at all...

until 1 day...

she gave me a bracelet..

it's an Obsidian bracelet.

I wore it just to please her...

but eventually, I started to embrace it..



This is the Obsidian bracelet...
It's actually broken 2 times...
first time I managed to save all beads but the 2nd time I kinda short of 2 of it..
lucky at that time I'm getting thinner...

I cared for this bracelet until I was moved to support my mother to buy a crystal product from her...



This is my 2nd bracelet...Zoisite bracelet.
Actually I bought this type of bracelet for RM30...
but it broke when I had motor accident and lost it all...
(that time I managed to save my Obsidian)
Imagine that, during the accident...my main concern were not the wounds that I had, I was bleeding over my left arm but it was my crystal bracelet!!!
I bought the zoisite with my own money and it gone just like that...
DAMN..

I was "mourning" at that moment...I felt a little bit relief that I managed to save odsidian. The obsidian has more sentimental value to me maa, it's a gift from my mom!!
After a month before I went back to UiTM for a new sem..
My mom gave me the nearly exact design of zoisite bracelet...but what makes the different is the texture of the beads plus it's much more shinier!!
I started my new sem at that time with joy and proud...
(zoisite seems to believe to transform negative energy to positive, I don't care about what it brings as long I have my "pride" back)

1 day, my mom showed me another version of a zoisite...
it's called Ruby Zoisite..
this stone is a mixture of ruby stone and zoisite stone..
since it's special, the price is also special maa...
1 Ruby Zoisite bracelet priced at RM200++
WOW...damn expensive.

I keep myself quiet...

until the day of my 21st birthday,
My mom's a crystal towkey and she made a courageous attempt by offering me any crystal stone from her as a present...
ahahahahahahaha...guess what, I'm a bad man.
of what's in my mind was Ruby Zoisite.
Chingggg!!!

(tersenyap kejap my mom at that time)

I just wait..

until..



tadaa...this is my ruby zoisite bracelet!

although it's a grade A quality but still it's a ruby zoisite.

Hahahahhaaha...my mom kept her promise, that would be enough.
(actually I was testing her)

this ruby zoisite is mush tighter..

Now I have 3 gorgeous bracelet and I'm close in being a don.

muahahahaa...

(I have to arrange the position of the bracelet on my left arm, Zoisite, Obsidian and Ruby Zoisite)

I'm looking forward to have Green Phantom in my possession...maybe, next year birthday?

Perkiraan Terakhir

Kita beredar bersama
Tapi ia masih selamat tinggal
dan muke kita lompat balik
ke bumi, siapa yang tahu

Aku rase tiada siapa yang boleh dipersalahkan
Kita tinggalkan halaman
Adakan semua akan jadi sama sekali lagi?
Ini perkiraan terakhir

Kite menuju ke Zuhrah
Tapi masih kita berdiri tegak
kerana mungkin mereka dah temui kita
dan mengalu-alukan kita

dengan banyak tahun cahaya untuk ditempuhi
dan perkara untuk ditemui
Tak lama lagi kita akan merinduinya
Inilah perkiraan terakhir

Kita beredar bersama...

Kita akan sangat merinduinya

Chronology Of Not Loving You

I sit on a bench
With a teaspoon in my mouth
My thirst has not been quenched
for hell like I'm trapped in a drought

Fuck all, I don't care anymore
But damn, I am pretending.
Fuck all, you seem not in my concern anymore
As without you I'm still standing

I walked the around the world
Just for you a long time ago
But you didn't even say a word
And expect me to let it go.

Damn it my dear
You were once a source of my happiness
As the pain inside I cannot bear
I could no more feel your tenderness

My path without you around
Is getting clearer than I expected
I feel the speed of sound
Knowing my time is not limited

In the name of my own honor
I'm not going to stain my heart with hate
For not loving you is an act of valor
I'm still off on finding a soul mate

It's not a giving up matter
Dear, you were always you
Forgiving you can be done later
Keep this, my feeling for you was always true

Forgive me that I lied
Fuck it all and you have no regrets
My beliefs were all slid
All beyond my own grasps

I'm not loving you for now
Stepping on to be a new me
I want to let you know
I'm setting you free

Simple and kinda great...

I'm officially 21 years 2 days old...

all I could say..

I'm officially OLD...

Hhahahahaah....

Actually...I'm afraid of getting old.

not that I'm afraid to die or else...

I just don't like to act old you know...

My friends always scold me that I'm being childish..

I know how to act matured...because I am in fact.

It's just that I don't feel comfortable...

and I'm trapped!!!

bwaaahahah..padan muke





Very simple celebration maa...kek sedap!!



That's the cake, sedap rsenye...





yeah..this is my new appearance along with new T-shirt

Wanna know what I got for my present?

I got a car...

bwahahahahah....mimpi dlm mimpi la nk dpt keta.

bersyukur la beb, at least ade hadiah...

ade celebration pn dh cukup baik maa..

I've asked for my atuk's blessing regarding my "wish"...

just continue on praying, I believe He will help. I always believe!

The day finally come...

hello...

I'm Leo Huzair Bin Sharifudin...

proudly announce that I'm already 21..

yeah...yeah...

now,

I'm eligible to vote for election

I can go clubbing legally

I can watch pornography safely (wakakakkaa)

I can start for a serious relationship

I can choose which religion I want to believe ( in this case, I'm faithful to my present religion)

I can marry the one I love..

I can start working...

now,

my life expenses are getting higher

maybe I can't where my old shoes

my style maybe more to adult, less teenage

challenges are getting tougher..

problems are getting bigger...

I need to watch my eating behaviour

But,

Life works the way God created it..

So, beat it...

as far as I know..

I'm still the boy who loves to play video games

I'm still the one who acted childishly

I'm still the one who has perverted issues...

I'm still loving women..

I'm still single...

I still wonder whether to change it or not...

I wanna thanks for all the wishes and STILL consider me as a part of your life!!

9th May 2009

After 6 years of waiting...

finally the day for Sharene Eliana being single was over...

she's my sister, 4th sister.

The venue was at Prime City Hotel, Kluang.

I could say that I worked hard for this day to come..

I made the video presentation for that day...

I made the table menu...

I picked some of my collection of songs to be played throughout the ceremony...

Everyone of us cleaning up our home...

I had to go to the town to buy the right software...(some of the software was fake)

(but I like it)

I hadn't sleep for 2 days just to make sure my sister have the best for her wedding..

moreover I've been 'elected' to be the main photographer for her wedding..

yeah...I was worried because I'm just an amateur not yet an expert...

on that day, I was too fond with my 'job' until I forgot to have my meal...

(Got Ikan Siakap, nasi briyani, briyani daging and so on)

I'm not trying to whinge here...

hey, the last time our family's wedding was 6 years ago guys!

I was a form 3 student...I did nothing for the wedding.

the preparations needed for the wedding involved expenses

Now, I made it for my sis...

I'm the photographer, the crew, the performer even half stage manager...

everything is now made possible...because I've grown up and have the knowledge of doing this doing that...

I feel great that I contribute at least something...

My father also willing to buy me a new flash for my DSLR (luckily the board of directors didn't say anything bout it)



This me, kick start for creativity...new flash.

the only thing not great of being a photographer was...

myself not much to be seen in a picture...(at one time, I had to ask Fizy a favor to replace me taking the picture, and that time the picture that I got)

Neal was busy with his performance, wanna ask my dad...he's not too good with camera..

My sisters?? better not...they only know how to be in the picture only..

Normal digital camera maybe but not DSLR...

the ceremony ran smoothly although there were some technical problem.

(my video presentation sangkut2, aspect ratio was not perfect...x cukup skrin)

DAMN...

but, nevermind I did my very best on that video...as long as my family satisfied that would be enough for me...



This was the first picture taken, before the nikah ceremony.

there are bout 500++ pictures have been taken..I edited almost 85% of it..

I wasn't familiar using the flash before because I haven't learn..

I just follow what the guide book said...all the time, I had to experiment it myself.

(kinda hard to understand actually)



This is my 4th brother-in-law, Adrie Azrie.

now, I wonder...

how many years to come for the next wedding?




Only 3 of us left..

me, Lydia & Neal..

who's next? hahahaaaha

Well, I'm glad that everything went out very well..



this is some of the picture of me with the brides.



Neal and the gang..



"The Beatles"





"Rock and Roll. pengantin lelaki pn join...sengal gler"

Ok la...

it's always a wonderful moment in my life...

You'll never get...

Hurm...

1 of my friend said this to me in her sms....

"you'll never get any girl by this kind of attitude though"

great2...kne sumpah lg..

I'm being good and I got back-stabber, I'm being a jerk and I got a curse!!

WOW...life is great don't u think?

then what I should be? fuckers? suckers? angels?

you know what...if there's a research on erasing memory, I would gladly to volunteer..

I'm losing my faith, grip, my identity...I feel like I wanna reset EVERYTHING.

I lied to God many times (he knows it of course)

sometimes, I'm embarrassed to face him...

I'm being a fucking jerk...lucky that he's a God. He always patients.

Waaa...I'm screaming to myself.

1 of my friends also said like this...

"ko jgn ikut sgt org Leo, ikut jek ape yg ko rse btul"

he reminded me of Lukman Hakim's story with his children and a donkey...I love that story.

I seem to know all the philosophy in the world...but sad thing is I got MIXED UP!!

but why in the world I can't stick to it?

what the fuck happened to me?

I wanna RESET everything and refresh and be a VERY new me..

so that I can recollect all the knowledge and arrange it nicely and use it WISELY..

hopefully...

I glanced...

U remember the post When Love And Hate Collide?

ya...

I told u guys that I don't like to hate people..

I wasn't trying to show u that I'm angelic or noble...

I always hold to this principle

"the more u hate people, the more u're surrounded by them"

yeah..yeah...u guys pn mesti dh boring dgr kn..

actually, I wrote this post bcoz I glanced at the pictures of my love one before..

(gatal2 nk tgk, sape suruh?)

at the end, I was left with confusing momento...

their appearance in my life, always been delightful...

but am I to them?

my confusing state transform into frustration and even anger...

I was angry with myself...I felt that I didn't do good enough to leave even a mark in their life..

sometimes I even wanna scream...FUCK, FUCK and FUCK it all..

Does it become better by fucking things up?

Nope...

2 all who have a chance to know me,

am I too soft? too kind?

yeah...yeah...

is it so important to be remembered?

huh? huh?

ntah la...

tell me if u have the answer...

maybe I should turn myself into a heartless being...

if that what 'they' want...

Benda baru ni..

Hari ni..

hamba bernama Leo Huzair blaja benda baru drpd seorang kwn...

bnda ni special kot..

x ramai yg tau rsenye..

bendanya ialah

Kucing = Pusak

Anjing = Asuk.

Sekian!

Alone In The Mirror

He’s alone
Alone in the mirror
The sound of the right tones
Won’t make him clearer
He didn’t pick up the phone
Guess he never acts clever

The bright light of candle lit
That shines the darkness by its own way
His feelings won’t change a bit
As his life won’t sway
He never going to sit
In the mirror he lies as he may

The gate to heaven opens wide
But he’s trapped inside the mirror, lonely
Wish somebody could accompany him side by side
Guide him to the dream of paradise, oh lovely
The flow of time and tide
Will never wait for him, seems unexpectedly

The diary of time drags the hourglass
A simple symphony that dances the heart
His lifestyle isn’t first class
I bet him, himself full of arts
Will the rainfall grows the grass
Or make him fall hard

Alone in the mirror seems forever
Hoping for seconds to get free
What lies beyond makes him shiver
Because that was never expected to see
Breaking the mirror is never ever
Just pray hard as hard can be

When Love And Hate Collide...

You could have a change of heart, if you would only change your mind
Instead of slamming down the phone girl, for the hundredth time
I got your number on my wall, but I ain't gonna make that call
When divided we stand babe, united we fall
Got the time got a chance gonna make it
Got my hands on your heart gonna take it
All I know, I can't fight this flame
You could have a change of heart, if you would only change your mind
Cause I'm crazy 'bout you baby, time after time

Without you
One night alone
Is like a year without you baby
Do you have a heart of stone
Without you
Can't stop the hurt inside
When love and hate collide

I don't wanna fight no more, I don't know what we're fighting for
When we treat each other baby, like an act of war
I could tell a million lies and it would come as no surprise
When the truth is like a stranger, hits you right between the eyes
There's a time and a place and a reason
And I know I got a love to believe in
All I know got to win this time

Without you
One night alone
Is like a year without you baby
Do you have a heart of stone
Without you
Can't stop the hurt inside
When love and hate collide

You could have a change of heart, if you would only change your mind
Cause I'm crazy 'bout you baby...Crazy...Crazy
Without you
One night alone
Is like a year without you baby
Do you have a heart of stone
Without you
One night alone
Is like a year without you baby
If you have a heart at all
Without you
Can't stop the hurt inside
When love and hate collide

This what I feel with some girls that I love...
I will always love them but what they did to me...

forced me to 'hate' them...

I tell myself not to hate, I always tell myself.
hating is not my way of life.

bcoz I know, the more I hate the more I'm surrounded by them...

these feeling of loving and at the same time, hating...collide together.

and I'm left with nothing!! Blur!!

some of my friends sometime pushed me to hate, they said it's the way of life..

people are created to hate each other with anything they got...they never satisfied.

I disagreed and I was mad at them (sometime I acted irrationally)

when somebody hurt you, the result you must hate them..

C'mon...what the hell was that for? total happiness? satisfaction?

what I know I must keep on trying to create a better world at ANY means...

I have some things in mind, I wished I could tell...

anyway, this is a good song...listen!

Tell yourself...

Tell to yourself...

are you indestructible?

no matter how much challenges you've faced...

you can still get back on your feet and start walking again?

are you among the best?

you wake up in the morning and knowing everything is on your side...

so you can continue smiling and enjoy the rest of the day?

are you motivated?

people keep on pushing you around and leave you behind...

you can still pretend that they part of your life lessons.

are you afraid of life?

you stumbled once and it hurt you so much...

every time you imagine it you'll have a nightmare...

are you afraid to try?

You've learned something new and it didn't quite pleased you...

you hide it in your closet and pretend not to know about it...

are you sure about your decision?

you thought it will bring you ease but it worked the other way..

you're haunted by that nearly everyday...

are you broken?

your heart smashed into pieces and nowhere to be found..

you pick every each of the pieces to make you complete again...

are you crying?

you live your life and no one noticing what you are, you bleed...

you lock yourself in your room, cover your face with pillow to release it...

are you complete?

you seem to have everything in your life and you still searching...

wondering whether you will find the missing part...


Guys, there are a lot for you to tell yourself....

I can make sure whether it's important for you but it is for me..

I'm still not sure how to answer these questions...

if it were you, how do you plan on answering it?

Big Fish huh?

I watched Big Fish last night on Astro...

I was fascinated by the love between Edward Bloom and Sandra Templeton...

they last long until death do they part...

Edward tried so many ways to win Sandra's heart...

He's willing to cross his own boundaries...

If it's me, I am also willing to do that...

But Edward is extraordinary person, AM I?

He won't give up...I tried my best not to give up.

My friends supported me and my family..

but why still I worry?

"If you want a big fish, you lure can't be small"

I want that fish so badly...but how do I prepare a big lure?

Did I Learn?

Mostly in my blog...

I wrote bout my love life...

How I failed to obtain love from a species called woman...

Nah...I got love from my parents, my friends and my siblings...

You can assume that my life is complete...

YEAH...YEAH..

you're right...

but God created many types of human being right?

the way my parents love is different from the way my sisters love me...

the way my brother loves me is different from they way my friends love me...

I conclude that somehow there's a missing part in my life...

I'm going to be 21 soon...

I've tasted experiences and I gain something new from time to time...

how is it to love a girl and be loved back?

I DON'T have that experience...!!

I admitted that I have some girls that like me, I tried my best to love n like them back...

My friends said "don't be too choosy"

I LEARNED tht...

My friends said "love can't happen by force"

I LEARNED tht...

They said "there were so much rules in LOVING responsibility..

I LEARNED tht...

I did everything to implement that in my mind...

until it MIXED up...

Actually...did I learned those things?

how come I didn't have the chance?

Continue : Yakuza 3

Ryu ga Gotoku 3/Yakuza 3 takes a departure from the first two games with its choice of setting: instead of focusing on the gritty cityscape of Tokyo, it switches gears and sends Kiryu to the tropical island of Okinawa, where he runs a center for orphaned children with his adoptive daughter Haruka. The orphanage is on land that is owned by Shigeru Nakahara, a boss over a mob known as the Ryudo Ikka. Nakahara is under pressure from the country's government to sell the land. Kiryu once again finds himself in a series of tough situations.



This is the main character, Kazuma Kiryu also called Dragon of Dojima once

I admire him, his style, his life and wanted to be like him..

although he's a Yakuza...



Kazuma with new cloth I think...

in first n second game, Kazuma was never 'allowed' to change clothes I guess...

I don't know whether the third installment allows it...

I wish I have the chance to play it 1 day...




This is Kamuro-cho, fictional version of Kabuki-cho in Japan..

I've watched Shinjuku Incident by Jackie Chan...

I get the same picture from the game and the real place...

it's nearly the same...

Hurm...

so, if you guys have PS3 and looking for a good game..

I recommend you this game...feel free to invite me!!

ahahahahahha

Another marriage...

Another marriage is coming soon...

it's my 4th sister wedding ceremony...

Last family wedding was in 2003...I was in form 3, still a school boy at that time.

I remember giving a short speech during Kak Yulie's wedding...hahaah..

I waited for 6 years for another family wedding...couldn't believe it was that long.

On 9th of May 2009,

Sharene Eliana Sharifudin will be married by Adrie ape ntah name dier.

Hope she will get her happiness with him...

and if he fails to make my sister happy...

GODFATHER will come to him...and that's me!!! hahahahahah

Well, this ceremony going to be held in a hotel...

not a big hotel like Hyatt or Hilton..

but a BIG hotel in my hometown...kuang3

I'm sorry my dear friends, I really thought of inviting you guys..

but list for my friends are limited.

When it's MY wedding, I surely invite you guys...

just pray for that wonderful day will come laaa...



this my picture with my 4th sis during her engagement ceremony...

then she will be led to a new life..

hope she will success...