Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Cuts Like A Knife

You touched my life
with a softness in the night
my wish was your command
until you ran
out of love
I tell my self I'm free
got the chance of
living just for me
no need to hurry home
now that you're gone
cuts like a knife
how will I ever heal
I'm so deeply wounded
cuts like a knife
you cut away the
heart of my life
When I pretend wear a smile
to fool my dearest friends
I wonder if they know
it's just a show
I'm on a stage day and night
I go through my charades
but how can I disguise
what's in my eyes
(Repeat CHORUS)
Oh oh oh oh oh ...
I've try and try locking up
the pain I feel inside
the pain of wanting you
wanting you
(Repeat CHORUS)

Hurm....this is what happening to me right now.
my heart feels like ripping off.
have u ever feel truly love somebody but he/she treats u like hell??
u start to abandon him/her but in your deepest heart's core, u still care?
watching her/him change but unable to do anything bcoz u tell urself u care no more..
that's what cutting me like a paper...can u feel the same?
I expressed my feelings through songs...
I really wish to tell her that I still care n forgiving her but I don't have that will power anymore...
Should I do nothing and accept the pain?

What happened?

I have a friend...

A girl...

I know her nearly 1 year I guess...

Yeah..she's a good friend and I like the way she thinks..

we used to sms and talked almost about our daily life..

I said "used to"


she seems to stray away from me...

I don't know why..

She said that she's busy...

I get it and understand..

Nah...she take Geophysic kot.

Compare to mine, she's far more busy...

I went to her university for a work trip...

I longing to see her because haven't seen her for a long time...

At that her university organized a big event and she involved.

I didn't expect for her to spend time with me because so far for my knowledge I know she's busy...

we just met for 2-3 words...

That was ok for me...

and I went back with half frustrated...

I waited for her sms but not even 1 from her...

that made me think whether I've made a mistake...

she treated me so cold...

If she's not happy with her life...

I've told her that she can count on me...

I promised that I'll try to be on her side when she needed.

But if heart distances can be count, I feel her miles away from me..

hurm...great. What have I done?

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Searching For Them


I've been browsing through my own RAM (memory box)...

I looked for the past...

What was I at that time...

What did I do...

Where did I go...

All that I found...

most of the time..I was alone!!

I was sad...sad...sad...

then I looked up to my own motherboard (my heart)

I found my family...

my mom and dad...

my 5 sisters n 1 bro...

they spicing up my life and added some flavors..

I started to smile...

but I seemed to forgot something...

I ran my own system scan looking for what I left behind...

The result I found my old friend from my primary school

Firdaus, Farhan, Rafiee, Hakim, Ganesh, Dinesh Sean, Suravind Nair, Kannan, Allan, Aizat, Jamri and lots more...

not to be forgotten..

Hanim, Fazlia, Fazliana, Zahidah, Farah, Atikah Kecik, Atikah Besar (pardon me ya), Ain, Siti Khairunisa, Hidayah and spe lg...(pelik, biasenya pompuan la yg I easily remember tp lain plak kali ni)

My system scan has an error happening...(that's why I couldn't remember all) it stopped in the middle.

I ran it ran it again...

the next result, I found...

my dearest cousin that I used to play when I was really young..

Ily, Ika, Iwan and sape lg ek ( my scanning system worned out)

and then I ran my own virus scan...

I found a lot virus in it...

it showed that moment I was fighting with my bro...

We fought a lot until now I starting to think he must have hated me a lot too...

I also found that I was being rude to my parents...I even placed my hatred towards them..(a tough virus I think...

Not to forget my sisters...I done a lot to them too.

After I done scanning, I tend to remove all the virus (hatred, grudge and so on)

but I wondered, was it that easy?

after that...I logged on to my own internet to search for them.

My family always available on9...(via phone, telekinesis or instinct)

then all my old friends..

some of them, their internet connection seemed low...

others unreachable...

and my cousins, I only received newsletter w/o pictures..


I wondered where they are...

why they seemed important to me?

because I left them for a long time...

for now I keep on scanning and searching for them..

Until the day...

I'm shutting down.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

When I See You

I'm staring at a broken hourglass
Wondering whether time can be stopped
Hoping your love won't last
Until the time my life ended

When I see your smile
It makes my lung breathe profoundly
When you walk a thousand miles
I'll accompany you slowly

Only you my dear
Can make my heart beat tripled
If only you can hear
My love that can't be heard

When I see you crying
My heart stops beating
And I'll never stop trying
Until the day I'm dying

The time can't be stopped
Even if the hourglass's broken
Although my love can be sealed
But they can't be taken

When I see you laughing
I fell my joy overwhelming
Show me that you're loving
The I shall stop dreaming

( aha, this is the 3rd one. read it. Ok..FYI, I didn't manage to win her heart -maybe my poems were bad and toneless, I don't know- The best thing is that she told her pet brother that I forced her to make decision eventually forcing her to accept me. I was really mad at that moment because her BELOVED and English-oriented pet brother sent me smses told me to stop, stop hurting her. -yeah..yeah- and I was accused for doing that and I started a small arguement with that seem innocent-caring brother. Greatest thing in my life---DAMN--- Guys, am I fucking wrong for loving her? I loved her the best I can give but she did something that hurt me a lot and still I can forget it. Now, I let her go...what she wants to be is up to her to choose. I'm not going to guide her to life that she's fucking chosed it. I don't want to be like I care but actually I still care. F***what the hell happened to my sane mind? now girls who thinks boys are selfish, can't you see it now? open your every eyes even the 6th sense...)

Sincerely In Love

I'm sincerely in love
When looking into your eyes
If I live without your love
I'll be left cold as ice

When you're beside me
My life seems colourful
The way you guided me
I won't be a fool

I've shown you my true colours
As I'm not going to pretend
From minutes to hours
I know you're godsend

Having me as your partner
You have nothing to lose
I may be a slow learner
But my love won't lose

Sometimes I embarrassed you
I understand what you've been through
If only I deserve better
I will be better

Take your time my dear
Take your time to think
As I'm floating near
Please, just don't let me sink

( aahaaaaah...this is the 2nd poem I wrote for the same girl in -Queen Of My Heart-. If you understand what I mean from this poem, is there any forcing method involve? I want to have your opinion bout this maa...)

Queen Of My Heart

If I am a king
I'm willing to abdicate my throne
If we are sinking
I'm willing to sacrifice alone

One thing we know
The road ahead is not always straight
One thing we're not sure now
What we know least

You're a queen of loveliness
Shall I compare you to the lilies?
You've grown complete
As your beauty never abate

I can't care about anything but you
Part of you desolved in me
As long as my blood runs through
My love for you, faithfully here

Come to me my queen
Satisfy my love and need
For there has never been
Somebody trusting me as you did

I'm waiting for the day
You and I be together as one
Even it involves the sky
I'll make sure you're mine

( antara poems yang dapat disalin semula sebab baru lagi, tp xde la baru sgt sbnrnye. Sem lps kot klu x silap. Again this poem was written when I was going to propose somebody. I've prepared 3 actually because I proposed here during her birthday and I have 3 presents. I read to her after I gave her each present. You may think it's romantic but not to her, I think not enough kot. Ape2 jek la...I really wanted to tell what happened but not now I guess. Just read this poem, if you think it's good...use it to give to your loved ones)

Rhythm Of A Lover

She stood there motionless
With her red lips smiling
That sterilized my heart
And I feel cured

Her eyes aspires me
Her voice desolves me
Her beauty astonishes me
her moves animate me

Oh, even the brightness of the light
I can change it into darkness
Even the darkness of the night
I can make it endless

But, why can't I change her
To be the light of my day
Why I can't make her
To be the night of my sky

I'll wait for her
Until the star goes down
I'll be patient forever
Until I'm away from the sun

(Weh...jiwang gler mamat ni. Nevermind, this poem I created during my schooling period too. I seem love to write at that time. FYI, I can't write w/o inspiration and my inspiration is people mostly girls. -I was once created a poem for my parent but X igt lak letak mane-. Being in love can be hurt but to me, it inspired me to write something and DAMN I love it. This also mean I'm straight...-maybe going to be bisexual someday, ahahaahaaha...great-

Will She Be His?

On a cold, windy night
Tampers by the sound
He lies on the ground
His head goes around

A thousand thoughts
One chance to think
Will she be his
Or his heart will sink

Time keeps moving
And the love song fading
How is his feeling
Won't make him a king

Several months to go
Times moves so slowly
He thinks of letting go
Throw it through the window

But his love flies
On its sacred wings
Up to the blue sky
To where she is

A long time of waiting
Taking and giving
But the real question is
Will she be his?

(I glanced at my STORY OF LIFE book and I found this short poem tht I created long time ago, somehow with myself noticing it brought back sweet memories of mine. To my sane mind, I nearly crying. I remember the reason, the enthusiast when I created this poem and SHE's part of it. It was during my school day, the time when I fell in love with a girl I thought will be mine. I remember how she made me smile n thinking of her nearly everyday. She's the reason I have the inspiration. Looking at this piece of artwork, reminds me closely of her. I really wanted to tell her how am I feeling right now, I can't seem to erase her from my heart ( head maybe). But I realised she wasn't mine after I have expressed my feeling, she left me for a reason I couldn't understand. Until now I wonder I not good enough or she found a better person? or she didn't like me after all or she was playing games? God knows. I f you ask me now..."if she come back to you, will you accept it?". My not-so-wise-answer will be, YES. Tell you what, when I'm in love with somebody, it means it's fucking true. Besides, I'm not good in having grudge with people. You can fucking say tht I'm stupid, longing 4 love that wasn't mine. Thanks I respected your opinion. Maybe you can just help me do it.)