#She's Gone - Steel Heart
Assalamualaikum W.B.T & Greetings
Dear beloved reader,
We meet in again in this humble November breeze filled with humidity
And inconsistent weather change.
Brings out the cold and shiver and to the weak one may resulted in fever.
Already passed meh, the date I'm planning to end my reign of terror to women.
It's not granted and yeah time really flies huh?
This story now is about 1 particular girl I got my eyes on since 3 years ago.
If you've met me FTF
You know I'm a type of guy who lay my eyes on EVERY women then why does this one brings out any specialty?
Good question, eventually a tough one.
I'm weird enough, smart enough, adorable enough, fast enough, sly enough, cunning enough..
I'm straightforward but I curve and I steer
I'm honest but I make my 20% lies greater than 80% of my truth
I hear but purposely skipping things
I won't let people predict me...
Lately I've been reviewing myself towards this girl named......
I measure everything, I put possible equation and philosophy...
I mix it together in the sense of feelings and my habits..
Am I really in love with her?
OR I just like her like the rest of other girls...?
When I test myself with the question "do you want to be her boyfriend?"
I paused..................a long time jugak la. (jawapan tak ada juga)
"Then why do you feel jealousy?"
(Hey come on, I admit and finally admitting jealousy, guess what? It's hard yaaaw)
Last 3 years she wasn't single but still I managed to handle..
But when she's single, I feel weird why it's getting even worse..
Sometimes I do wish that she's not single, back to normal pace...
To the serious level I just hope that to erase everything...
What the heaven is happening to me man?
Hah, a sharp needle never brings me trouble
I got beaten by group of senior when I was in primary
Hehehe...some of my DNA left there
But in the end I'm stuck with a woman.
I really have to resolve this because I got a lot to catch up in life.
Am I afraid of a decision?
Maybe. Ye kot. Tak tahu lah...
I cared too much and somehow none of other boys who got eyes on her ever gain my respect...
But her ex gained mine.
I prayed for her everyday that somehow she can end up with a better person.
I feel so restless if she doesn't...
Because if she really doesn't, I always thinking of disconnecting so that I won't see her crying again...
(Hello? I'm not good in handling a crying girl ok?)
Tapi itu bullshit sebenarnya...hahahaha
Just maybe I have to treat her differently
I'm not going to stay like this forever what?
My character is still in development.
Because I'm not planning to be her so called 'bro' forever where she never planned to listen or share
To me, right now I feel the jealousy...
But when she does get a new BF, I expect him to feel the same afterwards... :)
Even my best friend can't stand me when I'm with his GF
Sorry to the other guys,
I'm not claiming I'm the best for her but I just want we all to improve...
We, men are supposed to take care of them what?
Ok truth session.
I do want to be with her
Be there when she needs me
Sing for her
Scold her when she did something wrong..
Pick a dress for her
Guide her which shoes better
Kick all the dogs for her
Carry her when she's too lazy to walk
Buy her a proper birthday cake
Cuddle her when she's cold
And if she dies earlier than me, I'd be the one visiting her everyday
If I lost just to the factor of TIME not of my QUALITY.
I know I will feel sad eventually...
I have to learn allowing myself to cry...
Surely I'll get back up