So Sweet

"Kadang-kadang insan yang bergelar manusia ni tak pernah sedar dan perasan apa yang orang lain dah buat terhadap dirinya..."

comel gler ayat ni....sbb aku terfikir lak yang dia tuh manusia ke bukan, confuse aku...

"Tapi bila buat jahat sekali je, berdendam sampai ke anak cucu..."

Wah....emosi dapat dikesan dgn membara di situ!!

1st of all,

It's NOT me who resent you, but it's YOU who resent me....sedar x?

There's no such thing as 'revenge' going through my mind right now...

as for you DO NOT WORTH my revenge at all....apa ntah lg anak cucu ko, igt ni capitalist ker?

hehehehehe....

"Mungkin selama 21 tahun kau hidup di dunia ni kau tak pernah kenal erti kawan yang sebenarnya...."

betul kate ko tuh, I don't need to object...tp klu one day aku akan paham pn bkn kerana or dengan ko. Thanks for reminding me actually...

Jadi, ape itu erti kawan bagi diri ko? pernah pikir?

Hurm...

"Tapi bila buat jahat SEKALI je, berdendam sampai ke anak cucu..."

menarik jugak ayat ni sebab tuh aku tulis 2x...

Aku terfikir, sejahat mana yang dia pernah buat kat aku?

Dia baik giler kot...kejut aku pegi klas, ingatkan aku assignment dah siap blum, bagi aku pinjam duit bile aku sengkek, berusaha untuk ubah style aku dan banyak lagi sebenarnya...I don't have to list it all.

Aku RASE aku perasan semua tuh, tapi ape yang dia perasan tentang aku?

Aku tak turun tolong dia handle budak PBSM? Aku keluar tak ajak dia? Statement2 panas yang aku bagi kat dia?

Actually, he doesn't need to thank me for EVERYTHING if he doesn't feel so because the TRUTH is I did NOTHING to him...

Guys, I really feel like I don't like to promise because I have doubts...and to my surprise, he seems not to have one..

I DON'T promise him to be on his side no matter what happen, but he DID promise me instead...for what has happened, he dares to say that I'm the one who forget/leave/resent/grudge/hate/damn him?

That's fair...

Is that what friendship really means to him?

Ya Allah, was it him you sent to TEACH me the true meaning of friendship?? or Am I mistaken?

huhuhuhu....if that's so, I'll just wait.

It's just TOO bad that he's affected by my previous post in this blog, he felt that way...that's just him, think too much but he never think deep. If only he starts thinking deeper for a while, with his capabilities he'll understand what I really meant for posting that. Just great, he blamed me for starting first (well, who else he got to blame in this situation? himself? hurm, that's just not him)

For real la, this blog was created was not for him, it's for me...it's entitled WHAT I'M GOING TO BE, not WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO BE. I look forward for changing ideas and thoughts in this 'maya' world.

If he's really looking forward to have a real talk, (if only) don't worry...
It's just not fair approaching someone who's in rage while we're in the same state...

I will find one some time because he expect me to do so, that's how a friend do...keep on expecting on you.

till then...see you guys around!

Let bygones be bygones

So many nights,
I sit by my computer,
Waiting for someone to sing me a song.

So many dreams,
I kept deep inside me,
Alone in the dark,
And you come along..

But you WERE lighting up my life,
You WERE giving me hopes to carry on,
You WERE lighting up my days,
And WERE filling my nights
with song.

Rolling on bed, feeling asleep..
Thinking of her and loneliness
And my feelings cut deep
And there again, I'm left all alone

But you WERE lighting up my life,
You WERE giving me hopes to carry on,
You WERE lighting up my days,
And WERE filling my nights
with song.
I didn't feel right but it WAS wrong.

"Hahaahhahahhaha.....every WAS."

More than words...

Here I am at six o'clock in the morning
Still thinking about you
It's still hard, at six o'clock in the morning
To sleep without you

And I know that it might
Seem too late for love
All I know

I need you now
More than words can say
I need you now
I've got to find a way
I need you now
Before I lose my mind
I need you now

Here I am, I'm looking out my window
I'm dreaming about you
Can't let you go, at six o'clock in the morning
I feel you beside me

And I know that it might
Seem too late for love
For love Oh, Oh, Oh

I need you now
More than words can say
I need you now
I've got to find a way
I need you now
Before I lose my mind
I need you now

-Why can't you see??-

Ego

Based on my experiences with people...

day by day...

week by week...

month by month...

year by year...

I learned to build my ego...

I don't state here it's something good because that's not really the point I'm writing it here...

I always refer to the Bon Jovi song titled "Welcome To Wherever You Are"

1 of the line said, "This is your life, you made this far"

yeah...I made it this far and I'm glad.

you know what? Because of my ego...I rarely share my thoughts or even problems with my family...

I put my trust on my friends and I trust them...

1 day, when everything around me turned me down even my friends...I'm stuck!

there's a thought in my mind that I should try share it with my mother just by calling her or sms..

But just in a couple a minute, I got a msg from her!!

I nearly cry at that moment, thinking of Allah's power and the true connection between a mother and a son...

I feel guilty somehow because of other people who didn't care for me, I built my ego TOWARDS my own family...I only search for them when I needed money, not for comfort.

they see me as a happy son and brother because I NEVER showed them my true feelings....

it only showed when I'm admitted to any ward...hahahahaha.

Why people expect too much?

"When lights go down, I see no reason
For you to cry. We've been through this before
In every time, in every season,
God knows I've tried
So please don't ask for more"

"I read your mind, with no intentions
Of being unkind, I wish I could explain
It all takes time, a whole lot of patience
If it's a crime, how come I feel no pain"

Hello...

lately, I found myself caught in miserable after several people kept asking about my weight...

I looked at the mirror and observed myself...

There's a very thin barrier between me and my actual happiness...

this thin barrier was what actually caused my 'deceiving' appearance...

You may see me as a normal person..

I talked, I laughed, I joked, I tickled and I even smiled wide...

"If I fall along the way
Pick me up and dust me off
And if I get too tired to make it
Be my breath so I can walk"

Actually, I'm deteriorated...
I love to say I'm HAPPY because I refused to be or even admit that I'm miserable...

but people keep expecting too much...but when I expect something from them, they resent me...

But why?

I think I'm a normal human being...(depends on how you define normal)

I'm not a superhuman who can ALWAYS read people mind, if I possessed this kind of power...I'm sure there'll be some side effect.

"If I need some other love
Give me more than I can stand
And when my smile gets old and faded
Wait around I'll smile again "

I don't like asking for support but like I said, I'm a normal human being who have 'support system' like everyone has...

I've live this life for 21 years, not yet a quarter of a century but still I can say I understand some aspects of life...

But please don't expect me know/understand too much about it...

"I think I'm moving
But I go nowhere
Yeah, I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be"

I didn't show any pain...but my body will..
if cut me, I will bleed...I'll sleep for a long time, my body refuse to get up.

so, if you expect something from me..please let me think otherwise!

I'm a man...

Hello guys...

I'm back.

huhuhu....I'm still fine for now.

Ok, let's get it straight...

I wanna talk about something, something a woman will find anything to argue/object.

yeah..the topic is about MAN.

From man I derived something to narrow a bit about the scope.

It's started when I told a friend of mine that I'm in love with a girl.

I showed her the picture...

She said, "wow, cantik" and I just thought it would stop there....

but she "accidentally" uttered a statement that somehow inspired me...

"you memang sama jek dengan laki-laki lain, sume nak cantik-cantik"

I glanced back at the picture and suddenly I said within my mind, "Wow, memang cantik la"

But I took that "statement" into my study and start constructing anything that could help me...

Then I started asking myself, am I?

I looked closely at that girl's picture, her hair, her smile, her eyes, her lips, her skin and everything. I said, "Oh shit, it's true!"

Girls, if you have a boyfriend...have you ever asked them why they fell in love with you? if they answered, did it satisfy you enough?

When I looked at that friend of mine, I could say that she's not bad at all...

So, I went on finding any friend who has a gf that's not beautiful....I found some and I asked them questions...

1 of the question, do you think your girlfriend is beautiful?
"Yes"

has anyone told you that your gf is not that beautiful?
"Yes"

Then, I went back and started to look at all the girls I loved before...

Scarily, all of them looked beautiful because I think they were...

I was like, "damn, she's right again"

Then I refer to other question,

What makes you approached your gf before she's yours?
*they paused a while...
They answered because of ATTRACTION.

I proceed, when do you ACTUALLY fall in love????

Okay, it's true girls...
Men are attracted to beauty but beauty that only they could define...

If you were in a party, and none of them approached you but your friends that you think are SEXY, BEAUTIFUL, ANGELIC, HOT and etc...
There are 2 thoughts occurred actually (common):
1. You're down because you think you're not beautiful
2. Guys ALWAYS like that type of girl..(what? Do they think that kind of girl can treat them well?)

If these thoughts came to your mind, you'll start blaming on something.
Hehehehehe

They didn't approach you, not because you're not beautiful, it's just your beauty isn't in their definition. They ARE attracted to BEAUTY.

I'm a man and I can't be so far different from other man.
I know how I define beauty (please ignore the so called 'inner beauty' first because it's not something you can determine (fast) at first meeting).
It's just LUCKY that the girl I'm in love with is "EXTREMELY BEAUTIFUL" to them...to say I'm just UNLUCKY to be defined as such "statement".

ok, back to the 'question' I left..

I list you some of their answer...

-aku tgh borak2 dgn dier, tibe2 angin tiup rambut dier and aku nmpk dahi dier yg licin. sejak tuh aku semakin berminat.

-setiap kali aku dekat dengan dier, degupan jantung aku semacam.

-dier tgh duk bace surat khabar, aku nmpk jari-jari dier halus and panjang2. Hehehehe

-aku tetibe ternampak leher dier yang jinjang.

-satu hari aku nmpk dier tertidur atas meja kepenatan, aku terpaku tgk dier.

-Aku tiup mate dier sbb masuk habuk and baru aku perasan mate dier warne hitam, org ckp dier cntik sgt rupenye common jek matenye.

-aku dgr dier nyanyi lagu fav aku tanpa dier tau aku mendgrnye.

and ade lg la possible situation...

So, to me...it's beautiful!!

falling in love is a gift, do you consider a gift is something bad?
most of you would say no...(unless you think too much)

Be clear...a man WILL attract to BEAUTY that only they KNOW how to DEFINE it.
If you bf said that Megan Fox is beautiful, I'm sure there are men out there would say something different. BEAUTY is INFINITE.

till then, see ya!

benda2 yang aku rase...

Hello there...

Ape kabo semua?

nak tny skit ni....

korg rase payah ke ble aku (sgt susah bg diriku utk menulis perkataan ini dlm blog) tulis dlm English ek?

bukan ape beb, aku bukan la nk tunjuk yg aku ni terrer English cume aku senang berkongsi idea dlm bhs English. lgpn, blog ni luas kn...kite tak boleh agak klu ade orang asing yang terbaca blog kite kn? kn?

kawan2 terdekat aku ade cakap macam2 tentang blog aku ni...most of them comment bout the language I used la...

huh...nasib baik bleh stop kt situ stakat ni sbb ble aku dh start menulis English, aku akn trus menulis.

So, sbnrnye post kali khas utk kwn2 aku yang mengalami kesusahan dlm mendapatkan idea dlm blog aku. tp xde la aku nk translate balik sume dlm bahasa Melayu.

Aku dah ckp, klu korg ade masalah/x puas hati/bengang dengan topic yg aku tekankan. sahut la cabaran sikit, tanya aku. aku akan cube jawab. klu korg tny dlm English, aku jwb dlm English dan klu dlm Malay, aku jwb dlm Malay. Senang jek perhubungan antara kita ni sebenarnye.

Anyway, post yg ini aku nk bincang tentang support atau sokongan.

benda ni sgt penting dlm hidup kite sbg manusia bkn...dengan sokongan, seseorang itu boleh menjadi bersemangat, boleh menjadi kuat, boleh dapat keyakinan diri. Kite saling memberi sokongan antara satu sama lain dgn atau tanpa kita sedari.

tp di dalam sistem sokongan ini datangnya satu perkataan yang diberi nama, "pura-pura"

cube tanya diri korang, bile korang memberi sokongan kat seseorang...kenapa korang menjadi seorang yang supportive? cube tny soalan ini gak kat kawan2 korang yang memberi sokongan kat korg...

kite/diorang mungkin akan cakap, "Sebab kiteorg PRIHATIN"

Yehaa....betul tuh, itu jawapan paling normal la.

tapi aku menghadapi masalah untuk menjawab persoalan ini.
Roomate aku pn kena bahan dengan soalan ni, tapi dier seorang yg sgt cool. Dia cakap aku ni terlalu fikir secara teknikal, tapi dia still jawab soalan aku. Kawan2 aku kt SAS dulu klu jumpe aku skrg pn diorg susah nk agak aku ni camne, 5 tahun bersama, classmate aku kt UiTM, 5 sem( 2 tahun setengah) pn susah nak agak aku ni camne. Tapi dier 3 sem jek dan dia sudi mendengar 'kegilaan' aku. Dia manusia biasa kot, bila dia x tahan dia terus cakap yang kepala dia dah terlalu tepu, and he needs to sleep...badly!!!

Ok, kenapa perkataan "pura-pura" tuh aku bangkitkn?

aku tny ramai orang, and diorg setuju mmg kepuraan selalu ada, di mana2 sahaja. Name lain yg famous bagi perkataan ini ialah 'hipokrit'.

Aku survey2 kat internet, biodata, twitter, status, blog...aku dapati yang kebanyakan daripada kita benci dengan kepura-puraan(hypocrisy). And orang2 ni biasanya tiada masalah untuk menjawab persoalan tadi.

Knape aku mengalami kesukaran dalam menjawab persoalan tadi? sebab aku memikirkan tentang anda semua dan sekeliling. Bukan aku nak cakap yang aku suka akan hipokrasi beb and katekan la aku keluarkan statement, "aku benci dengan hipokrasi/org hipokrit". Aku sgt rase x selesa.

sebab hipokrasi tuh ade dalam diri aku, kawan2 aku, housemate aku, family aku, lecturer aku, pemimpin aku. So, tell me how am I going to hate them? you?

Aku bagi sedikit contoh la kan...
korang kawan dgn seorang kawan ni, dier ade masalah and mintak tolong dgn korg. So, korg kn PRIHATIN jd korg tolong and sokong dier (aku xnk sentuh bab keikhlasan dlm ni) tapi korg pergi cerita kat orang versi lain (korg x suke dier la, dier tuh bodo la, masalah simple jek la dan lain2 lagi). Dier tuh dah build trust kt korang.
Persoalan ni, "if you supported somebody, WHY are you being supportive?" dh jd mcm mane sbnrnye?

klu sebenarnya korang bukan atau tak boleh jadi penyokong(supportive) tapi masih cuba untuk menjadi, pura2 jd supportive takpe tapi buat BETUL2 sampai orang tak boleh bace yang korang pura2. Klu tak jangan involve sebab bahaya.

Aku bukan la angelic tapi aku cume seorang yang berfikir (aku bukanlah suke sgt pun berfikir ni). Sebab ramai orang2 yang hebat kat dunia ni tapi diorang pn ade kekurangan. Korang pn salah seorang yang hebat jadi korang pn ade kekurangan. Aku bukanlah seorang yang hebat, kekurangan aku banyak but aku mencari untuk menjadi lebih baik.

so, think sometimes...

Knowing....

"Sometimes it's good to know but what if you knew too much?"

hey, actually I came up with this quote because of 1 of my acquaintances.

he said proudly...

"I always know what are people up to and I was ALWAYS right, I hate it when it's confirmed"

heeeee....I kinda imagine his face the way he said it.

but sure or not?

actually, he's not the only 1 saying something like that...that's why I'm not so surprise.

He's good, he has thoughts and some of it can be used because he dared to interfere in people acts and thoughts.

so, relate back to my quotation...

ok, imagine that you're like him...

u have an acquaintance and they made something that triggered your doubts...

you PROUDLY believe that you know what they're up to...

when they explain, your mind have listed some of the possible answers....

BUT they're not matched together.

you start to wonder why they lied to you and felt very not comfortable...

yeah, there's no doubt bout possibilities of mind reading.

anyone who dares to learn/involve in this ability...

they will be granted the...

know-too-much disease.

normally, people with this disease only apply to one that they detest or maybe not so close.

they went on concentrating on them, feel resentment bout it....

but they don't use it for whom they're close with. ( I don't state love here because close sounds more general)

Knowing too much hurts unless you know how to manage the knowledge....

People have curiosity and that's what gained them knowledge...

but some of them forget the use of that knowledge or better said they are not skillful enough to use it.

is it important?

I try to link some things to make you understand...

example, you know that people are not interested in you if they're not paying attention towards you.

believe me, you only realize it when the person doing that to you is the person that's not close to you.

When it comes to the person that close to you doing that, you ignored them because you PROUDLY believe that you knew them much already.

knowing too much hurts not only to the one who bears it but also the people surrounding them...

The one they detest never gets close, the one they're close with...slowly losing faith in them. Then, what's left in you?

It happened, it really happened.

that's why God put limitation on every knowledge you can have at a moment because he knows you VERY, VERY well but he never forbid you to involve in your curiosity. He loves you too much and wants the very best in you.

So, if you think you know about what are people up to...don't just wait for it to be confirmed. Do something about it. If you don't you just waste it.

good luck!

Blog Untuk Orang Giler

*click

hey...2 posts in August, 2 posts in September.

very slow production aite?

Actually, bkn xde idea nk tulis ape cume I've been wondering whether my readers could sustain the ideologies/topics/issues...

because there were very little response from them...

There were only 2 possibilities, whether I'm too smart for them or their thinking much way better. heehheehheh

you know what....

at the very beginning of my blog production, I noticed that some of my post always involved about my love life.

I read it back and I laughed...

now, my posts were different (selain poems moems tu la)

I like to keep it balanced meh....

I read other people's blog...why they wrote?

some of them wrote bout their interesting moment, some about their lovers, some about religions, some about selling things, some about their feeling towards something, at lots of it.

but me?

I looking for a feedback, a virtual discussion, changing ideas and thoughts...

I'm not sure whether my posts were not interesting....

but I think my blog deserves the title

BLOG UNTUK ORANG GILER

heheheheh....I think they're afraid to comment believing that they'll become lunatic.

if any of you have met me in person and you proceed to read my posts then you'll understand. (bygkn yg x pnh jumpe? cmne agaknye?)

hurm...I was thinking they would come to me in person but nope, nothing.

hey, the word ridiculous is what you wanna use right?

too bad, if you say that word in my posts...if this blog can implant an applause.
I would give you the loudest for that.

ehhehehehehe....

say it if u wanna say it...don't be afraid.

Don't talk to me about selfishness...I know it too well...

yeah,1 of my friend said that's what I am.

it's not that I'm mad because he said I'm like that....

It's just he triggered my mind a question that related back to him actually...

I told you, life is not about revenge right?

If still wanna talk to me about selfishness, heeee...I like it because you are brave.

hey, c'mon....I think this blog as a medium for people to understand me and for me to understand them.

so, any topics are welcome.

this post ends here la...

I'll update some more...