I'm grateful....

Hello guys...

It's 1.17 am in the morning...I just got back from watching Sekali Lagi at Times Square. Well, alone as usual.

Ok, have I ever written before that last year total of accidents I involved was 7 times?

Yeah...7 times on my beloved Belang R 150.

What I'm going to share with u today...is how do I feel bout life.

To tell u the truth, every single time I'm thinking of dying...not bcoz of I'm tired of living, or simply bcoz I'm bored meeting the same faces everyday...

But it's because I feel there's no point of living while I can't bring anyone else benefit....

Each time when I involved in accidents, the moment I open my eyes...deep inside my heart I asked very2 ungrateful question.

"WHY AM I STILL ALIVE?"

I looked at my wounds and I feel the pain is so alive but you could see my face absorb it really well..

It's hard for me to accept the fact that I'm still alive....

Seeing the faces of people smiling thanking God that I'm still alive...I sense the care that they shown but I think nothing more than burdening them.

As time goes by, I hate myself more bcoz of this feeling....

When some people pass away...most people will say..

"God loves him/her more"

Then what about those who live? right?

But I keep myself up and I tell myself..

"THERE'S MUST BE A STRONG REASON WHY HE KEPT YOU ALIVE UNTIL NOW, WHY HE WANT YOU TO SUFFER AND BEAR THE MOST UNBEARABLE PAIN"

I get the answer...

He already prepared sumtin for me in the future, and all HE wants is for me to focus on the future...

What's there in the future?

These are what waiting for me in the future...

I must keep on going so that they won't lose hope....

Even if I failed to create a legacy for my family....

If I worked hard and honestly, my 'legacy' will run through them...

And I'm waiting for the moment where my eyes meet the very eyes of my own children...

So that I can see how I grew up through them and found the sense of living again....

Ya Allah, you have a very unique way to test your servant which of it will make us pissed off...

It's the truth for the one who never realize it...

I DID REALIZED IT.

&

I'M GRATEFUL

:)