Sorry, I can't afford to hate....

It's already 2010....

Nearly 10 years I left my primary school...

Nearly 5 years I left my secondary school..

Nearly 4 years I left Matriculation level....

10 years to go towards Vision 2020...

Well...that fast huh?

My 10 years period of growing up taught me, changed me, transformed me, reverted back or maybe even mutated!!

I met a lot of people...some of them are friends, interests, relatives, acquaintances. ARE n WERE..

Some of them reflecting my own self, some of them just them and some of them maybe just a display...

They're interesting u know...minus the factor of good or bad first.

As a minor character in this story called life...I observed how a small boy with a rare name for a Malay during his time changed from time to time.

Some of his traits still inside and some of it transformed...

Have you ever asked yourself, what is life to you and what are you to life?

I witnessed some of my acquaintances how they have changed...

From a very quiet person and now they can give speeches in front of at least 100..

From a very 'wild' type turned into a very obedient and faithful...

name it for how much person you could meet during 10 years period...

But from all of changes, they still preserved some old traits that they think they don't possess anymore...and I think that's funny...

Connection between each other sometimes can be defined and sometimes we are not even sure...

But within this connection, lies something called HATRED...

I'm sure we all very familiar with this kind of word because we and maybe our next generation getting use of its popular partition...HATE.

As I was a kid, I really used to get close to hatred...

I hate my friends making fun of my name, revealing my secrets, stealing my things...

At the end, I always ended up fighting with each other and I cried I lost the 'battle'...

Next level, the hatred also grew to next level...as people around you and even yourself found out a new 'interesting' ways to irritate each other...

Called it for somebody stealing our gf/bf, head prefect sent your name to the head master, your friend didn't give u a chance to peek his/her exam paper, your friend didn't invite you for party/hangout....

Believe it or not, some moments, your beloved family also installed in your hatred list...

Your mother didn't allow you to have BF, your dad cut your daily allowance, you always have to do the work while your other siblings always got a priviledge about it...

For a very short word that 'utilized' our perspective and everything we have in life...I can say, it's something expandable!!

As now I'm sitting here typing this blog, I recalled every moment that brought bitterness to my life...

I found that...HATRED spicing it up!!

Because my life was always drove by hate before...I hated schools, I skipped them. I hate my friends, I ignored them and build a wall between them or maybe punched them in the face. I hate my books, I threw them...

But to live the life without hatred, it takes a lot of effort to do so...even if you managed to do it, your friends are not in guarantee. If they don't hate you, they hate your lecturers, teachers, brothers...It's going to be in chains and seems never ending...

I don't possess the angelic type, not even close...if I took count of the people I've hated, I think at least, the ASB account book will be full of names instead of my savings...

Hating others deteriorate yourself, I admitted that happened because I hated some people...It's like a silent deadly virus that 'rotten' you deep inside and this virus doesn't mean it affects only your health but your mind and personality.

Why lesbianism and homosexualism commonly happened?

Because they HATE what the opposite sex did to them...

Why do people argue?

Because they HATE the way each other expressing their thoughts...

All about hatred that publicly announced, you can read it yourself in the newspaper or just watch the tv...

Or even just look around you...you'll find at least 1.

HATRED is also something personal, no one can force you not to hate someone because it's you personal thing but what happened was that...we hate someone, and we bring others to hate that someone too. That changes from personal to open method. It's something close to 'massacre'

I believe that hatred created by our creator and implemented in our mind as a part of our syllabus. When the time comes, our foolish heart and short thinking extracted it....BOOM! and it happened.

I could say Allah created this HATRED to beautifully decorated the universe he created and for us, His best creation. He believes in us that we could handle this hatred smartly and maybe produce something else from it. I believe there are other hidden 'lesson' in our mind that he implemented and waiting for to be extracted. Some of it, maybe new to each one of us...

so,

To all people who possess a little or too much hatred towards me, saying sorry might help reducing it but I believe it won't erase it...and later I might end up repeating the same. If you expected me to hate you the same way you hate me because you believe I would do the same....I could only say.



"Sorry, I can't afford to hate you"

After 9 years

When you looked back to your past...

You'll see some things that make you smile, laugh, cry and even mad...

For me,

I've always looked at my primary age...

How a small boy struggle to get fit in his life and even others...

That "6 years period" was like my golden time...

After I achieved my success in UPSR 2000, I continued my study at Sekolah Alam Shah Kuala Lumpur
(after that became Sekolah Alam Shah Putrajaya in 2003 and Sekolah Sultan Alam Shah in 2006)

My family moved to Kluang in the middle of 2001...

At that time, there was no handphone..no email..no friendster..no myspace..no tagged..and no facebook...

All I have in my possession were memories...and my life has been guided by that..

I only heard their stories through 1 of them, Firdaus Omar...I heard and didn't even meet them.

When Firdaus involved in accident 2 days before SPM 2005 and he moved to Pulai Perdana plus my 3310 handphone had stolen (I only memorize his house no, 075586463 and his father's no was in my 3310). I felt like, I WILL never meet them again.

But as my memories still inside my mind and I'm not dead...I kept on putting my effort finding them by ANY mean possible.

I found 1 and it was Farah Nadia...well, I really didn't recognized her. I found her in Friendster.

I keep on searching in the same site and I found Siti Khairunnisa, Fazlia Rosli, Syuhadah Suratman, Zahidah and Hanim.

I haven't found any boys...later that I found they're in Myspace.

Hakim, Rafiee, Izzudin, Taufiq, Ahmad Farhan...

There, I also found Atikah Mazlan, Fazliana...

Now, came Facebook...

Where are the others?

I chatted with Atikah Mazlan 1 day and mention about a reunion...

I said we will plan it and make it...

But thanks to her, she made a jump and a quick one..

She sent me a sms telling me there's gonna be a reunion on 5th December 2009.

You know, I was 'jumping' at that moment but it had stop because on that date...I'm having my photographing job.

But Allah is really understanding you know, some problem occurred on that date and Ika has to bring it earlier..

29th NOVEMBER 2009
JUSCO BUKIT INDAH, JOHOR BAHRU

This is us after 9 years!

Different meh?

well, that's them...but you can say it's not the whole that attended.

Only 17 of them managed to come including me..10 boys and 7 girls

Boys

-Rafiee Rafor

-Taufiq

-Syukri

-Izzudin

-Izwan Ismail

-Hakim

-Ahmad Farhan

-Farhan Sanusi

-Firdaus Omar

Girls

-Farah Nadia

-Hafiza Husin

-Fazliana

-Atikah Mazlan

-Hidayah

-Fazlia

-Aliya

We all ate at Pizza Hut but the environment was havoc!!

What do you expect? it's a 9 years storiezzzz...

As for me, I'm glad that they grown up REALLY well...

And I'm free because when I left for Alam Shah, in my mind being implemented that I abandoned them..left them with nothing.

I smile from now and then thanks to Him for granting this moment.

Guys, I haven't got any chance to apologize for it has been 9 years..

Sorry for everything that I've done and thanks for everything that you've done...

(Now I know they (girls) were scared of me and I know why I'm single until now...heheheheheh)

They're all beautiful....

well and handsome too...

Looking forward for next....