It's because you don't see....

Hello everyone,

I'm back now updating sumthing I planned to 2 weeks ago.

well...now it's about something magnificient that we all really familiar about.

it's about MOTHER.

How much do you really love your mother?

Some said they willing to give anything, they will take care of her forever...

yeah, I bet you will say something like that too...

But I also believe through your life, there are some part you will blame her for this and that....

(don't worry, it's normal)

Why is that happening?

It is because YOU DON'T SEE what she done for you...agree?

if you don't, answer me this question...how old are you when she kept on changing your diaper?

I bet, the last memory you could recall of you mother when you're little was about when you're 6-7 years old. (that's the best memory you could save unless you try to prove to me that you're genius, Mr. Hawkings mungkin ar)

To tell you the truth, I also feel like that...at some part of my life I blame my mother, the one that carried me 9 months 9 days.

It's all because she didn't fulfill this and that....

I DIDN'T see when she fed me, I DIDN'T see when she woke up whenever I cried in the middle of the night, I DIDN'T see how she struggled taking care of my other 6 siblings...

But Allah is really generous, He showed me but not through my mother, it's my 2nd sister. Sharene Lonia.

I went on my practical training last year from 2nd November 2009 until 28th December 2009.

During that time, I stayed at her house...

She has 3 children, 2 boys and a girl...

I witnessed everything a mother did to their children through her, from her I also feel how my mother felt when she grew me up.

I could 'see' the same smiling my mother gave when all of her children went to sleep, how she felt lonely at that time...through her as she also felt the same.

(my sister's husband working in Botswana)

On 23rd January this year, she planned a birthday party for her princess Shayna Adrena..

The party was great and enjoyable...

This is Shayna Adrena

After she's fully dressed during her first birthday...

Her mommy, Sharene Lonia did all for her..the decorations, cakes, kishs, balloons...

They're all happy...

My sis didn't sleep the whole night just to make sure her princess have a great birthday party...

I could see her pale face, she didn't eat much...

but I'm sure the birthday party was awesome...

later...

at the night time...

Yeah..she's so tired until she fainted.

and she's  warded in DEMC for 4 days because of dengue fever..

They only thing make her strong and fight back is her CHILDREN.

the Dengue virus only managed to 'attack' her after the party was over...

before that, no one expect that dengue was in her..

even when she's warded she kept on thinking about who's gonna send Sean to school, who's gonna take care of Shane and Shayna.

Imagine that?

She might not be the best mother in the world but what she did are the best for her children...

So...Sean, Shane and Shayna

this is the message from your uncle...

Don't ever forget your mother because you're everything for her and nothing's gonna change that...

and now, I thanked her!

Sorry, I can't afford to hate....

It's already 2010....

Nearly 10 years I left my primary school...

Nearly 5 years I left my secondary school..

Nearly 4 years I left Matriculation level....

10 years to go towards Vision 2020...

Well...that fast huh?

My 10 years period of growing up taught me, changed me, transformed me, reverted back or maybe even mutated!!

I met a lot of people...some of them are friends, interests, relatives, acquaintances. ARE n WERE..

Some of them reflecting my own self, some of them just them and some of them maybe just a display...

They're interesting u know...minus the factor of good or bad first.

As a minor character in this story called life...I observed how a small boy with a rare name for a Malay during his time changed from time to time.

Some of his traits still inside and some of it transformed...

Have you ever asked yourself, what is life to you and what are you to life?

I witnessed some of my acquaintances how they have changed...

From a very quiet person and now they can give speeches in front of at least 100..

From a very 'wild' type turned into a very obedient and faithful...

name it for how much person you could meet during 10 years period...

But from all of changes, they still preserved some old traits that they think they don't possess anymore...and I think that's funny...

Connection between each other sometimes can be defined and sometimes we are not even sure...

But within this connection, lies something called HATRED...

I'm sure we all very familiar with this kind of word because we and maybe our next generation getting use of its popular partition...HATE.

As I was a kid, I really used to get close to hatred...

I hate my friends making fun of my name, revealing my secrets, stealing my things...

At the end, I always ended up fighting with each other and I cried I lost the 'battle'...

Next level, the hatred also grew to next level...as people around you and even yourself found out a new 'interesting' ways to irritate each other...

Called it for somebody stealing our gf/bf, head prefect sent your name to the head master, your friend didn't give u a chance to peek his/her exam paper, your friend didn't invite you for party/hangout....

Believe it or not, some moments, your beloved family also installed in your hatred list...

Your mother didn't allow you to have BF, your dad cut your daily allowance, you always have to do the work while your other siblings always got a priviledge about it...

For a very short word that 'utilized' our perspective and everything we have in life...I can say, it's something expandable!!

As now I'm sitting here typing this blog, I recalled every moment that brought bitterness to my life...

I found that...HATRED spicing it up!!

Because my life was always drove by hate before...I hated schools, I skipped them. I hate my friends, I ignored them and build a wall between them or maybe punched them in the face. I hate my books, I threw them...

But to live the life without hatred, it takes a lot of effort to do so...even if you managed to do it, your friends are not in guarantee. If they don't hate you, they hate your lecturers, teachers, brothers...It's going to be in chains and seems never ending...

I don't possess the angelic type, not even close...if I took count of the people I've hated, I think at least, the ASB account book will be full of names instead of my savings...

Hating others deteriorate yourself, I admitted that happened because I hated some people...It's like a silent deadly virus that 'rotten' you deep inside and this virus doesn't mean it affects only your health but your mind and personality.

Why lesbianism and homosexualism commonly happened?

Because they HATE what the opposite sex did to them...

Why do people argue?

Because they HATE the way each other expressing their thoughts...

All about hatred that publicly announced, you can read it yourself in the newspaper or just watch the tv...

Or even just look around you...you'll find at least 1.

HATRED is also something personal, no one can force you not to hate someone because it's you personal thing but what happened was that...we hate someone, and we bring others to hate that someone too. That changes from personal to open method. It's something close to 'massacre'

I believe that hatred created by our creator and implemented in our mind as a part of our syllabus. When the time comes, our foolish heart and short thinking extracted it....BOOM! and it happened.

I could say Allah created this HATRED to beautifully decorated the universe he created and for us, His best creation. He believes in us that we could handle this hatred smartly and maybe produce something else from it. I believe there are other hidden 'lesson' in our mind that he implemented and waiting for to be extracted. Some of it, maybe new to each one of us...

so,

To all people who possess a little or too much hatred towards me, saying sorry might help reducing it but I believe it won't erase it...and later I might end up repeating the same. If you expected me to hate you the same way you hate me because you believe I would do the same....I could only say.



"Sorry, I can't afford to hate you"